The Morning Clam

We moved...

2010-02-21T17:11:00.002+09:00

The Morning Clam has moved to Wordpress...

Welcome back, Clam

2009-09-30T18:36:00.004+09:00

My other blog, Ask the Expat, is rolling along quite well, but I miss this one as well, so I'm going to pick it back up. I'm also going to pick up "Musings Over Makkoli" so I can make fun of other bloggers as well.

While getting my daily dose of war history, I came across an excellent paper by Professor Richard C. Kagan of Hamline University. He titled it, DISARMING MEMORIES: JAPANESE, KOREAN, AND AMERICAN LITERATURE ON THE VIETNAM WAR and I recommend that you take a look at it.

It's quite long and I'm going to mention a couple things about it soon.

Ask the Expat

2009-04-26T22:32:00.004+09:00

Ever since the US election ended, I've tried to refocus some of my attention back towards Korean issues and have found it trivial and tiring. The K-Blogosphere is already so polluted with everyone writing the same thing, that I decided that I have had enough of it.

That being said, I am not abandoning Korea or the scene, but I will alter my focus.

I have been an expat in Korea for nearly half a decade and have seen just about everything. On top of that, I am the creator of the largest ESL Teacher group on Facebook where I constantly field questions on everything ranging from immigration and teaching to kayaking and rock climbing. There really is nothing that has not been addressed.

So, rather than relying on the sometimes confusing design that Facebook and other forums offer, I decided to answer each question I receive in detail. I'll usually answer your question on the blog within 24 hours and if I don't know the answer, I'll point you to someone who does.

I also understand that this is very similar to Ask a Korean, but I figured adding a helpful twist to it for us expats wouldn't hurt.

So, if you wanna check out Ask the Expat, then there's your link...

Texas Secedes from the Union...finally.

2009-04-15T17:42:00.004+09:00

Texas Gov. Rick Perry decided that his state has had just about enough of the Obama administration and Democratic rule and has declared Texas as a sovereign... something.

“I believe that our federal government has become oppressive in its size, its intrusion into the lives of our citizens, and its interference with the affairs of our state,” Gov. Perry said. “That is why I am here today to express my unwavering support for efforts all across our country to reaffirm the states’ rights affirmed by the Tenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. I believe that returning to the letter and spirit of the U.S. Constitution and its essential 10th Amendment will free our state from undue regulations, and ultimately strengthen our Union.”

Of course, Palin and Glenn Beck approve.

The real question is how do we rescue the more liberal-minded Texans? Would they stay and form a internal resistance, like the French Resistance during WWII? Or would we need to form an underground railroad to shuttle them to safety? What happens to the NASA space center in Houston?

My ideas:

1) Let Texas go and we build one of those fences they love so much around them.

2) Encourage Mexico to reclaim it.

3) Allow them to elect W again.

Honestly though, I doubt that Perry could point to even one specific change that has negatively impacted Texas. Could someone please name ONE single Republican that is not acting like a little baby nowadays?

As Jon Stewart said, "You're in the minority. It's supposed to taste like a shit sandwich."

Koreatown vs. Little Bangladesh: The Dokdo of America

2009-04-14T17:57:00.011+09:00

The Korean-American community in California has had their hands full recently. It hasn't even been a week since Susie Kim was shot and killed in Santa Ana and now another Korean-American, Joseph Han, has met the same fate.

The details surrounding those shootings have yet to surface as the investigations continues, but Korean-Americans are facing another threat. Their bastion in LA known as Koreatown has been invaded by the pesky Bangladeshis.

"The Bangladeshi American community says that its numbers have swelled to more than 10,000. Last year, proponents filed a petition with the city to designate the area from Third Street to Wilshire Boulevard and Vermont Avenue to Western Avenue as "Little Bangladesh."

The problem with this is that the inhabitants of Koreatown have never had to file a petition before. (They have now.) The law didn't protect such enclaves, but offered only de facto status and since no other migrant community has threatened their "sovereignty" they saw no reason to do so.

In the last 30 years or so, a six-square-mile area west of downtown Los Angeles has become an enclave of some 50,000 Korean-Americans, the largest concentration of Koreans in the country. The district is now commonly known as Koreatown. But on the city’s official maps, Koreatown is nowhere to be found, because until 2006, Los Angeles had no formal process for designating neighbourhoods. Korean civic groups say they always simply assumed that the area was officially Koreatown."

The amount of Bangladesh's living in LA as per the 2000 Census was a measly 1700, but now some estimates are closer to 10,000. That's a huge increase that has been fueled mostly by natural disaster, poverty and civil war.

Let's take a look at what we're talking about here. Below is a wider view of LA with Koreatown highlighted.

Now, here is a closer look at it with the area that was petitioned to become "Little Bangladesh".

That's a pretty big slice right out of the center of Koreatown and the local Korean community is angry.

"It means power," she said as she hemmed a pair of pants inside the dry cleaners where she's worked for a decade. "Koreatown is already established. . . . Why can't they find another place?"

Besides the obvious rants that some Koreans aren't great with multiculturalism, she brings up a good point. It's clear that the Bangladeshis want to capitalize on the progress that Koreatown has made and kind of bypass the whole process of creating a migrant district. LA is huge. There are tons of places where rent is also cheap, but they chose Koreatown and it's very center at that. If the Bengladeshi population continues to grow at the rate that they have been for the past decade, then the location of Little Bangledesh certainly poses a threat to Koreatown. If the proposed location was, say, on the outskirts of town, then its growth wouldn't necessarily threaten Koreatown as much.

I totally side with the Koreans on this one. They moved to that area over 40 years ago. Since then, they have opened stores, dry-cleaners, restaurants and other businesses. It's been a cultural destinationa and a haven for Koreans for decades. During the LA Riots, they defended it from thugs, gangsters and looters. They have shed blood for that district. They deserve to be able to retain the naming rights to the area. The City of LA should not ignore the shared experiences that have bound the Korean-American population to that area.

Luckily for the Koreans, I do not see this passing. I hope that LA would not shit on their Korean community like that.

If it does pass and "Little Bangladesh" does get recognized by the city, then Koreans have a couple options. They can try to bully the Bangladeshis out or they could work together and try to collaboratively promote the area.

Not a great month for Korean-Americans in Southern California.

"Field Trip to the DMZ"

2009-04-12T18:59:00.002+09:00

ROKDrop and One Free Korea have this PBS video up. I thought I'd psot it here.

Shouting for their mothers was the saddest.

The Hyundai Nuvis: It's Pretty Damn Cool

2009-04-11T20:40:00.007+09:00

It looks like Hyundai's got a few fresh ideas.

The 11th concept car penned by Hyundai's California Design Center in Irvine is called the Nuvis. Sporting gullwing doors, the Nuvis is noteworthy for two reasons: First, its hybrid drivetrain will find its way into the next-generation Hyundai Sonata, and second, Hyundai says the concept's styling hints at what the Santa Fe's replacement could look like.

I must admit that I don't know about much cars, but this one sounds pretty cool. I like the gull-wing doors and the big entrance to the back seat. I've had a two door before and it was always a pain for my passengers to get back there.

"The large gullwing doors open to a luxurious 4-seat cabin with a "cascading" floor and ambient blue lighting. The seat fabric is made from 100-percent reclaimed soda bottles, while the seatbelts were made by Harveys Original Seatbeltbags (they make handbags out of seatbelts); Harveys also provided two matching handbags for the Nuvis."

I'm not sure about the seat fabric being from bottles, but it sounds "environmental". Still, the best part is that it's a parallel hybrid. That's cool.

"...the Nuvis can be driven in all-electric mode, gasoline-engine-only mode as well as any combination thereof. Engine management software automatically shuts off the gasoline engine when the Nuvis comes to a stop, improving overall fuel mileage and providing zero emissions, while Hyundai's Integrated Starter Generator (ISG) restarts the engine once pressure is applied to the accelerator pedal."

This concept video -while a little overdramatic and blue- sold me.

Did you see that steering wheel? That's sweet. On a side note, did one of the guys in the video pronounce "Hyundai" (현대) as "Hundai" (헌대)? I guess it's better than Hun-DYE (헌다이) as it so often is in America. I'm still not sure why they didn't spell is Hyundae from the beginning. It would have saved some trouble. But, I guess it's the same as the name issue -any effort will suffice.

They did manage to add an extremely ~~useless~~ high-tech ~~bragging point~~ component to the car's computer system.

The Nuvis's instrument panel streams information throughout the cabin, with passengers able to access each other via Methode Electronics TouchSense technology that links all four seats; after all, why go to the trouble of actually talking to one another?

This is a great time for Hyundai to introduce a new concept like this. Aside from the recession, they obviously have America's attention and should take advantage of it and keep on riding the wave.

Not that you care, but my wife and I bought new bicycles today. They're foldable and totally sexy.

2NE1's New Song: Lollipop

2009-04-11T14:24:00.004+09:00

At first I hated it. Then I liked it, but by the end of the song, I decided that I hated it again. It kind of reminds me a little of DISCO by 엄정화 which was equally fun at first, but also grew irritating by the end of the first listen. Even though this one might be my favorite Lollipop-based song, I don't think Lil Wayne or The Chordettes should be worried.

The lyrics are repulsive and the hair is absurd, but in its defense, it does have a fun 90s-era dance beat to it. Then again, that's all Big Bang-related groups do, so this is nothing special. I think K-Pop needs to start taking some cues from Heavy D & The Boyz or move past its current, but already tired sound.

Would I add to my MP3? -no. Will I ever listen to it again? I hope not.

Americans Love Teabagging. Do you?

2009-04-10T17:39:00.003+09:00

You've heard the news. Americans love to teabag.

Best quotes:

"It's going to be teabagging 24/7 by the time of midterms"

"Who wouldn't want to teabag John McCain?"

"Tea bag the fools in DC."

"Let's teabag Obama."

"Teabag the liberal Dems before the teabag you."

Despite what the right-wing media is saying, no one thinks that this is a movement organized by the people. The average person knows what teabagging is.

Who would you like to tea bag?

Asian-Americans Must Adopt English Names -OR- Rep. Betty Brown is a Racist

2009-04-10T05:59:00.011+09:00

At least that's what a conservative Texas lawmaker wants.

AUSTIN — A North Texas legislator during House testimony on voter identification legislation said Asian-descent voters should adopt names that are “easier for Americans to deal with.”

The comments caused the Texas Democratic Party on Wednesday to demand an apology from state Rep. Betty Brown, R-Terrell. But a spokesman for Brown said her comments were only an attempt to overcome problems with identifying Asian names for voting purposes.

The exchange occurred late Tuesday as the House Elections Committee heard testimony from Ramey Ko, a representative of the Organization of Chinese Americans.

Ko told the committee that people of Chinese, Japanese and Korean descent often have problems voting and other forms of identification because they may have a legal transliterated name and then a common English name that is used on their driver’s license on school registrations.

Names that are "easier for Americans to deal with", huh? By making this statement she is essentially classifying what is and isn't "American".This line in the sand is dangerously alienating to huge groups of Americans.

Does she see American as a white country full of Jones', Smiths', Williams' and this guy?

Cause this is how I see it. (And yes, that is from California Dreams.)

Last year alone, half of the new citizens in the US were Hispanics -mostly from Mexico, Cuba and El Salvador. Does that mean they need to alter their names as well? Of course it doesn't. That would cost her the Latino vote.

There is nothing easy about pronouncing names from around the world. Sometimes you get it right and sometime you don't, but just because you can't say it accurately, doesn't give mean THEY should change their name to accommodate your ignorance.

Personally, I don't like it when my students (especially adults) take English names. I know a lot of them see it as a nickname while their mothers spend hours online trying to figure out which one is good enough or popular enough, but your name is your name.

My name is George and in Korean it is written 조지 and pronounced "Jo-ji". Do I get upset when my name is pronounced like this? No.I understand where I am. I know it's a little uncomfortable for Koreans to make the "R" sound when saying my name. I'm not offended though. The Asian-American community is not going to be upset if their name is pronounced a little incorrectly, but making them change it under the guise of voter identification should not be an option.

Take the immortal Kim Yu-na for instance.

Her name is 김연아 which should be written and pronounced as Yeon-ah, but most people in fact pronounce it 김유나 or Kim Yu-na. She has been called Yu-na Kim over and over again, yet is not bothered by it. My brother-in-laws name is 김영승 or Kim Young-seung, but when my family was over here, they called him Kim Young-song. Did he care? Not at all. In fact, he was happy that they were trying.

Ultimately, this Texas lawmaker is gunning for voters in a state that is filled with ethnic diversity and racial tension. She's stoking the fire here and decided to throw the Asian-American community under the bus (again) since they have long been considered "Natural Republicans" and are a sure thing. (Not true by the way.)

She really displayed here intelligence with one of her closing statements.

"Rather than everyone here having to learn Chinese — I understand it’s a rather difficult language — do you think that it would behoove you and your citizens to adopt a name that we could deal with more readily here?” Brown said.

Really? Is that what the Chinese-Americans wanted? They wanted people to learn Chinese so everyone can properly pronounce Chinese names? What a racist c**t.

Korean Cops and Traffic Laws for Expats: Some Advice

2009-04-06T09:43:00.007+09:00

I'd like to offer some advice to any expats out there who also have a scooter, motorcycle or even a car in the form of a simple story.

One of the powers of being a motorized bike driver in Seoul is the ability to ignore all traffic laws. The unstated rule among us is that if it's clear, go. It's certainly not allowed by the law, nor is it safe, but the bike culture here is based on speed and efficiency (a trait that many facets of Korean life lack). Most of the drivers out there are delivery drivers who carry huge loads and packages on the back of their bikes and a speedy arrival translates to more income.

I always laugh when I'm sitting on my scooter in the middle of these leather clad delivery road warriors. They're always smoking and are usually filthy looking. I, on the other hand, am much cleaner, listening to "Take My Breath Away" and wearing a suit. I look pretty damn out of place, so I laugh. The only other motor scooterists in suits are the entry-level guys who can't afford a car yet.

To the story...

The other day, I was waiting at an intersection for a green light that never seemed to come. My fellow drivers were only adding to my impatience by constantly revving their engine as they inched closer to running the light. Finally, the coast was clear and we all ran the light. That's usually how I judge it. If they go, I try to blend into to the mix and dash across the intersection. Most of the time, we're in no real danger, but if even if we were, we certainly wouldn't we give it a second thought. That's what we do.

As free or innocent as we usually feel, this time the police, who were literally hiding in the bushes, did not seem to agree. They had set up little red-light trap. Since I have a scooter, I have quicker acceleration than most motorcycle deliver guys, so I was leading the back (which I imagine looks equally as funny). The fuzz emerged from the shrubs and darted into the street waving batons, directing us to the side on the road. I thought about ignoring the officer's orders, but decided it would be best to pull over and see what they had to say.

I stopped the bike, pulled out the key and waited to be questioned and, I presumed, ticketed. An officer who looked like he was in his mid-forties approached me and asked me to remove my helmet. Up until this point, he assumed I was a Korean man. He was prepared for that, so when I took off my helmet, he was noticeably shocked. It totally threw him off his game. He paused and just started at me. After an awkward 30 second love-stare, he began speaking...in Korean.

He tried to make it simple for me by speaking only in nouns with no verbs or anything "tricky".

"운전 면허증(drivers license)."

I knew what he had asked for. Simple context was more than enough. I understood, but did I want him to know that?

"뭐라고" I responded.

He said it again.

This time I just shrugged and pretended that I didn't understand a word he was saying. In frustration, he walked over to discuss the situation with his fellow officers. I watched them out of the corner of my eye. He was trying to find someone who spoke English. Besides the fact that they were busy dealing with other angry drivers, I could tell that none of them did. I don't think the Academy requires TOEIC scores.

He walked back over to me. He was looking at my license plate, or at least where my license plate is supposed to be. He pointed at it and said something I actually couldn't understand.

I shrugged.

Again because context is quite helpful in tricky situations, I fully understood what he was trying to say.I assume it was, "Where is your license plate? You should have a license plate!"

I shrugged.

After a few minutes of silent frustration, he looked at me and told me to carry my drivers license.

I shrugged.

"GO!" he fired back.

I did.

My first thought was that if this was America, I would have gotten a ticket and my lack of communication skills would have only made it bigger. No American police officer would do such a thing, but this guy did.

Either way, this officer had options. He could have found an English speaker if he wanted to. He could have asked for my ID card and tried to give me some sort of fine. He could have pushed harder for my drivers license or plate, but he didn't. It was easier to let me go than to go through the trouble. It boils down to the fact that these officers are underpaid and lazy. On top of that, he's not a Gangnam cop, so bribery is off the table, so it was just easier for him.

What did I learn?

Pretending not to understand a word (although a little embarrassing) got me out of a ticket and maybe more. Not having license plate on the bike (it's in my storage compartment under my seat) made it impossible to track. I was essentially a unregistered dude that somehow ascended to a level of greatness where traffic laws don't apply.

My advice to other expat motorcycle drivers?

Take off your license plates and play dumb. Forget all the "perpetuating a stereotype" or "being rude" talking points and play the game. It pays off.

Will this work everytime? No, but I assure you it won't hurt.

Seoul Traffic Lights

2009-04-03T09:37:00.002+09:00

Wow. Was that almost two weeks away from this bad boy? Sorry...

As you know, I am brave enough to drive in this accident-ridden city and cool enough to drive a motor scooter. The other day, I discovered something about driving here.

When I go to work, I leave at the same time everyday. I take the same route and have even timed how fast I need to go in order to hit every light perfectly (70-80km/hr), so a drive from Gangnam to Jamsil takes twelve minutes rather than thirty. It took a few days to master, but I had it down well.

On April 1st, I did the same thing I always did. I left the house at the same time and was at the appropriate traffic light at 12:35 -just in time to beat the light. Well, this time, I was off. The light was not green like it always had been. I figured it was a fluke and waited it out. After all, the lights are on a cycle and I'll just pick up the next one in a few minutes.

So the light turned green and I sped on in my normal James Dean fashion, but was stopped at the next light. This pattern continued the entire way there. I have to go through nearly 20 lights to get to Jamsil and I got caught at every one. My commute took thirty minutes and I was late.

The next day I tried again and again was duped. The following day, I tried to leave a little earlier, but still couldn't manage my drive so I hit the lights accurately. Remember, I drive a scooter, so besides being very cool, I don't ever get caught in traffic. I drive on sidewalks, alleys, between buses, on the other side of the road and anywhere else that gets me to my destination faster. The traffic is not a hindrance.

The only thing I can assume that happened was the the City of Seoul, in a surprisingly clever move, changes the patterns of the lights every month so that motorcycle guys and taxis don't game the system which could lead to increased accidents as we believe we can predict the flow of traffic, therefore leading to carelessness and more accidents.

It's smart and I have yet to figure out April's system, but I will soon and then BAM! it'll be May.

Touche 서울...

The Paul Krugman Song

2009-03-25T12:01:00.002+09:00

There's been a lot of talk latetly about whether Krugman is making his forecasts for the press or out of sincerity, just as there has been a lot of talk about whether Geithner is qualified for the gig.

Here's a song about how some people might feel...

Dokdo and Dry Cleaning

2009-03-25T06:04:00.002+09:00

While a little over the top, I admit that it makes picking up dry cleaning (the first time) a tad more interesting.

"...last year, when Chang-Duck Jeon, president of the Korean Dry Cleaners Association, assumed the role of publicist: He ordered 250,000 “Dokdo bags” from a South Korean manufacturer and solicited orders from the approximately 3,000 Korean-owned dry cleaners in the city. About 100 of them ended up stocking the bags."

I'd like to see Dokdo advertisments on condoms, tampons and toothpaste personally and, judging by the logic used to here, I just might get my wish.

He came up with the idea in July, during one of the semiregular flare-ups over the islands, which are now administered by South Korea. Mr. Jeon could not remember exactly what had set him off, but that month, the Japanese Education Ministry asked teachers and textbook publishers to make sure Japanese students understood their country’s claim to the islets.

Yes! Dispute equals dry cleaning bags!

Korea Times: Tap Water Blues by George Hogan

2009-03-24T18:16:00.003+09:00

Sorry for the delay these days. 14 hours of teaching is hard. I did manage to squeeze in the time to submit my KT article this week...

They actually printed one that I sent in a week ago, so I guess I'll have another one this week. Maybe not.

Here it is...

Foreigner Dating Assistance

2009-03-21T12:19:00.004+09:00

I think we're doing just fine, but Sunoo wants to make some more cash and have proven they have no shame lying for profit.

Maybe I've been in Korea too long and suspect that everything is somehow "anti-foreigner", but this one seems a little suspect.

Sunoo, the country's second-largest matchmaking firm by market share, last month kicked off a matchmaking site for foreigners, becoming the first local agency to offer services to non-Koreans.

With an online registration (www.couple.net) fee of $20, members can instantly access Sunoo's client database of 15,000 men and women ― 200-300 Koreans who speak English and currently 50 foreigners residing in Korea ― explained Erica Oh, global team manager of Sunoo.

The article goes on to talk about safety and other concerns with managing foreigners, but I see this as an effort to put foreigners in relationships with anybody else BUT Koreans. Besides, Korean women can't actually fall in love with foreigners. They just want to study English.

Am I losing perspective?

Photohunt: Spring Break Recession

2009-03-21T11:28:00.006+09:00

It looks like the global recession is starting to slow party-life in college.

Spring-breakers, mostly from Canada, enjoy themselves at the beach in the resort city of Cancun, Mexico Wednesday March 4, 2009. The U.S. State Department and universities in the U.S. are warning college students headed for Mexico for some spring-break partying of a surge in drug-related murder and mayhem south of the border

I assume they're all Canadian because Canada has Spring Break earlier. Canadians should know that Mexico is America's playground, not theirs. They can go to Daytona Beach and hang out with the locals. They'd fit in more there anyways.

So...

The image on the top is the original and the bottom one is the edited image.

Can you spot the edit?

Rules: You must clearly identify what I edited. It could be color, size, add-ons or anything, but it will only be one edit.

Running Tally:

Sid, USA: 3

Sarah, USA: 2

Brian, ROK: 1

Korea Beat, ROK: 1

Jeffery Hodges, ROK: 1

Korean Tap Water

2009-03-21T11:22:00.000+09:00

Last night a car engine backfired close to my bedroom window, jostling me from my seemingly deep slumber. Nonetheless, I welcomed the unexpected wait-up call as a chance to rehydrate my body with the usual cathartic chugging of the nearest bottle of purified water. I stumbled out of bed and clumsily made my way to the fridge, peered inside, but did not see any water. I scanned my dark apartment in hopes of finding a forgotten bottle lurking under the couch. To my dismay, I saw nothing. Frustrated, I opened the cabinet, took out my favorite orange glass and filled it with tap water. As I drank, I imagined all the bacteria and pollutants flowing into my helpless body. The odor and flavor were only adding to my fears that I was drinking contaminated water, but I had to drink something. After I finished, I realized that this previously dormant distaste of tap water was a direct product of my enculturation into Korean society.

Shortly after arriving in Korea, I decided to invite a few friends over to my apartment. At some point, I stood up to get some water and, like usual, I held my cup under the tap and starting filling it up. In almost perfect unison, all of my friends instructed me to stop. They informed me that drinking tap water in Korea wasn’t safe and that I should simply go to 711 and buy bottles. From that moment on, the fear was instilled and now, three years later, I very rarely drink the stuff. And if you ask the average Korean, they will say the same.

For years, the City of Seoul has been tirelessly trying to encourage its water consumption. They’ve staged taste tests, publicized purity results and are currently sending teams of water specialists to homes around the city in hopes of calming the masses with quick, on-the-spot purity tests. All of these efforts are aimed at squelching the concerns of the citizens, but will they work?

If you ask a Seoul-ite whether or not they drink tap water, you will certainly get a ‘no’, invariably followed by a list of complaints. They’ll say the taste or smell is too strong and somewhat metallic. They’ll cite that the water comes from the polluted Han River or they might even mention that the water pipes in their home are made from copper which, of course, is toxic. All of these concerns are valid. The catch is that all of these concerns have been addressed by the Seoul government and most of them have even been solved.

During the rapid development of this nation, water quality laws were relaxed in an effort to encourage industrial development. Damaging as it might have been for the environment, this measure boosted the economy drastically, but it also created widespread sentiment (which still exists today) that the Han River is contaminated by both point and non-point pollution and therefore should not be consumed.

It makes sense and they would be right if they were drinking from the lower sections in Seoul, but they’re not. “90% of the water intake occurs at 5 upstream pumping stations and 10% takes place at the Paldang Dam.” Once that water is collected, it then goes to one of six purification stations, all of which have received international awards for efficiency and reliability.

Additionally, most Koreans are certain that their pipes are old or corroding which will certainly lead to health difficulties. However, since 1995, close to “95% of corrosive water pipes have been replaced” and the government is “working tirelessly to replace any remaining pipes”. In fact, the same teams that are going door-to-door are also armed with pamphlets encouraging citizens to install new water pipes at a governmentally subsidized price.

So, why aren’t they drinking it?

Like all people, Koreans are creatures of habit. For decades, they have understandably avoided tap water because of the hazards it presents. Yet even now, when it has been proven clean and drinkable, tap water is only used for washing and tooth-brushing. It might be the taste, the fear of contaminates or general health concerns, but I chalk it up to universal distrust of the government among Koreans.

People have written volumes on Korean distrust of government, so there is no reason (or space) to delve into that here, but I would like to offer some simple advice. If officials want citizens to start drinking the water, then they must stop relying on tests and publications and take a more proactive approach. Rather than drinking bottled water at press conferences, try slugging back a few gulps of Seoul-brand tap water. Leading by example is not a knack that politicians have mastered, but I can’t imagine anything easier than picking up a glass of water and taking a sip. And to tell the truth, it’s not even that bad. Give it a try.

*** This will be in KT next week ***

Phish Lights Hampton Up With "Dudes"

2009-03-16T12:16:00.006+09:00

There is nothing surprising about this. I'd say 100:1 is an exaggeration, but it doesn't matter.

Phish shows and jam bands don't really attract women, but there's nothing revealing about this. No one goes to these shows to meet women. They go for the music. They go to dance. I'm not sure why the author thought this to be unique, but he did.

The article also linked this photo.

What's telling here is the age of the fans. I, too, was one of those kids out there. I fondly remember my tye-dye shirts, hemp necklaces and long hair, but I always knew that I was the youngest. The whole scene has changed a lot in the past 10 years and most of the original Phishheads and jambanders have grown up (or moved to Korea), so these dudes are the next wave. (H/T to Coug)

Anmyeon-do Trip

2009-03-14T07:34:00.005+09:00

We're taking a little trip down to Anmyeon-do today. It should be a little cold, but we have a nice cabin and will do what we can to stay warm.

I'm going to try to check out the remnants Taean Oil spill as well.

Have fun.

Here's a little weekend reading on the benefits of legalizing marijiuana to stimulate California's economy.

Ban Ki-moon Calls US a "deadbeat"

2009-03-13T07:51:00.005+09:00

There was some anti-Americanism in there after all. I love baseless insults.

The White House objected Thursday to U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon's description of the United States as a "deadbeat" donor to the world body.

Why is the US deadbeats? Because they don't donate enough to the UN?

White House press secretary Robert Gibbs said Ban's "word choice was unfortunate," given that the U.S. is the largest contributor to the United Nations. The United States pays 22 percent of the organization's nearly $5 billion operating budget but is perennially late paying its dues.

That's right.

Korean baseball just isn't that good...

2009-03-13T07:43:00.005+09:00

They might have won the Olympics, but they lost to the Padres.

South Korea's baseball squad suffered a 10-4 loss to San Diego Padres, a Major League team, at an exhibition game Wednesday, dimming its hopes for the second round of the World Baseball Classic slated to begin Saturday, according to Yonhap News Agency.

I don't like Korean baseball. There's way too much scoring, horrid pitching, swaths of errors and overly excited non-fans who only cheer because they want to be part of a chant.

**Update: Korea also lost to the Dodgers.

Japan wants to buy Jeju

2009-03-13T07:36:00.002+09:00

This won't go over well.

Japan's opposition Democratic Party President Ichiro Ozawa has floated the idea of buying South Korea's Jeju Island on the strength of the yen's rise against other currencies, Japan's news outlets reported, quoting a former chief of Japan's largest labor organization.

I understand that Japanese men might be traveling to Korea more for sex tourism due to the strong yen, but this is a little too much.

Korea Times Article: Korea-Japan Tunnel

2009-03-12T18:25:00.002+09:00

Here's another one for you...

Check out the mug.

Obama, The People and The Economy vs. The GOP: Who's winning the debate?

2009-03-12T17:33:00.009+09:00

When is the GOP going to stop blaming the failed economy on Obama? They won't. They can't. They see this as their only oppurtunity to change the story, but unfortunately for them, most Americans haven't finished the old one. That being, the failed GOP-run economy.

The GOP isn't fooling anybody. The people clearly know who's to blame and it's not Obama. Americans seem to understand something that the GOP doesn't: It takes awhile for the economy to recover. A fact that I imagine the right used to understand and who are trying to exploit their own mess for votes in 2010.

Most Americans remain confident that the U.S. economy will be stronger in five years than it is today, but most also expect very little to change in the next 12 months.

The numbers are largely unchanged from early January.

Sixty-four percent (64%) of Americans say the economy will be stronger in five years than it is today, while just 17% think it will be weaker by then, according to a new Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey.

They are not going to assume that the current state is a result of failed Obama policies. They remember the last 8 years. They know where this came from. So when quacks like this guy...

It is no wonder that markets are imploding around us. Obama is giving us the War on Business.

Imagine that some hypothetical enemy state spent years preparing a “Manchurian Candidate” to destroy the U.S. economy once elected. What policies might that leader pursue?

He might discourage private capital from entering the financial sector by instructing his Treasury secretary to repeatedly promise a brilliant rescue plan, but never actually have one. Private firms, spooked by the thought of what government might do, would shy away from transactions altogether. If the secretary were smooth and played rope-a-dope long enough, the whole financial sector would be gone before voters could demand action

...claim that it's Obama's fault, the American people are not listening.

But when will they start to blame Obama?

Now, match that to when economists think the recession will be over.

If that plays out, it'll be a huge win for Obama. Since people have such low expectations for the economy, they understand that it'll take some time. Compare that to most economists and it appears that Obama will easily weather this storm and it'll mount to another EPIC FAILURE by the increasingly obsolete GOP.

Bristol Palin is now a baby mama and I don't care

2009-03-12T17:20:00.003+09:00

Oh, I can't wait for the spin on this one.

Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin, the teenage daughter of Gov. Sarah Palin, have broken off their engagement, he said Wednesday, about 2 1/2 months after the couple had a baby. Johnston, 19, told The Associated Press that he and 18-year-old Bristol Palin mutually decided "a while ago" to end their relationship. He declined to elaborate as he stood outside his family's home in Wasilla, about 40 miles north of Anchorage.

They decided "awhile" ago, huh? If it wasn't during Palin's failed bid for VP, I assume the exposure didn't help much either. Of course, Drudge doesn't mention it and I bet that O'Reilly won't bring it up either because then he'd have to eat his own words.

As I mentioned during the campaign, what if it was Obama's daughter who was unwed, pregnant and now and single mother? Would the right leave it alone?

New Job, Less Sleep, More Dark Circles: Welcome to Korea

2009-03-11T08:31:00.004+09:00

I've started my part-time job again, so I'm going from an eight hour work day to nearly fourteen. While I'm adjusting this week and next, my writing will be a little intermittent as I am trying to nap whenever I can. Right now, for instance, I have an hour break. And since I only get five hours of sleep a night, I need the extra time.

I'm going to sleep now...for an hour.

Tin

2009-03-09T09:06:00.007+09:00

It was becoming clear that Tin was not too fond of the photo journal that I had started making about his time in Korea, so I will not post the others. I was hoping he would see the humor in it, but it didn't go that way. I figured it was hit or miss.

Instead, I'll post a few photos that sum it all up.

The Wedding

The Mountain

The Kids
The Piano
The Protest
The Best Man

The Costumes
The Boys

The Jet Fuel

The Dye

The Swap

The Result

Photohunt: Korean Volunteers

2009-03-08T18:49:00.004+09:00

This weeks "Photohunt" is from the Chosun Ilbo. The official caption is "Volunteers pose after hanging blankets they washed for poor families in Busan on Thursday." Seems like a nice gesture. A little odd, but nice nonetheless.

The image on the left is the original and the right one is the edited image.

Can you spot the edit?

Rules: You must clearly identify what I edited. It could be color, size, add-ons or anything, but it will only be one edit.

Running Tally:

Sid, USA: 3

Sarah, USA: 1

Korea Beat, ROK: 1

Jeffery Hodges, ROK: 1

Want to rip-off Journey?

2009-03-06T17:41:00.003+09:00

How many songs ripped off Journey's Don't Stop Believing? (for FB, click here)

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

It works pretty well, too.

"Green" Koreans Arrested (because of Americans)

2009-03-06T16:35:00.006+09:00

I don't condemn, nor do I condone these guys, but still am preplexed by those who think using or doing drugs in Korea is a good idea. These guys were asking for it if you ask me.

Four men were arrested Thursday for planting and smoking marijuana in their apartment and sharing ``tips'' online. Two others were booked for buying their plants for consumption.

Not the smartest growers, but at least they were wise enough to include an American in the project, so they can pass the blame later. Furthermore, what kind of idiot teacher would get involved with these goons knowing they were posting their methods on a blog?

Thirty-year-old Yeon and two others, including one American English instructor, shared his information and bought marijuana seed from Britain. They grew the plant in a closet on the veranda of his apartment in Haengdang-dong, Seoul, for five months and smoked the derived drug.

Would this have made the news if an American wasn't involved? I doubt it. Of the 1,170 Koreans arrested in 2007 on marijuana charges, I don't remember seeing anything in the paper.

Robin Williams in the Hospital

2009-03-06T14:14:00.001+09:00

I really hope he'll be okay.

Robin Williams needs heart surgery and must cancel the remainder of his one-man comedy show, "Weapons of Self-Destruction," his publicist said Thursday. The 57-year-old actor needs an aortic valve replacement, Diane Rosen said in a news release. Williams' representatives would not say when the comedian was admitted to the hospital or where.

Korean Soju Soars as American Beer Floors

2009-03-05T16:21:00.000+09:00

Rather than my usually amazing in-depth analysis, I found two articles that I wanted to mention. As the economic recession worsens, more and more people choose to tighten their belt and cut out some luxuries they deem unnecessary. For instance, my wife and I have started socializing less at bars and more at home and were surprised to discover how many others enjoyed doing that as well. (Drinking games anyone? We've been practicing.) Fortunately, our jobs are secure for now, so we're not that concerned yet, but since we plan to move to the US next year, the exchange rate is something that we do stress over.

Nonetheless, it's interesting to look at what industries remain "recession-proof". Most assume that in stressful times, the alcohol and tobacco industries will remain pretty steady if not more profitable. People get stressed, so they drink and smoke. Simple. In Korea, the trillion won ESL industry is one of the fastest growing
industries still, but it's certainly seeing signs of contracting as schools cut costs, suspend teacher pay and even close down. In fact, my KT article next week will address the issue of adult 1:1 English institutions and why they are especially having a hard time right now.

I digress (and plug), The Financial Times reported that in Korea, soju sales were jumping dramatically.

"Stung by the bitter winter and depressed by the flagging economy, South Korean businessmen head for the convivial glow of street tents where they order eels and chicken gizzards and drown their sorrows in soju, the national fire-water.

Soju sales are soaring and foreign companies are considering buying into one of the few Korean industries to relish the economic crisis."

I'm not sure I agree that most of the soju is being drunk in the tents, but it certainly helps illustrate the bleak state of the economy. I live on the main drag in Gangnam, so I get the opportunity to witness these guys a lot. I can say that they are certainly drinking more these days and since many of them are getting laid off (and hiding it from their family), I totally understand.

What I don't understand is the following statement.

"It's an energy drink for Koreans. When Koreans are in distress, they drink soju, then get up the next morning and work hard," Mr Ahn said. Contentious as it may sound, soju does have a reputation for not causing hangovers.

Yeah, first of all, it's contentious as hell and secondly, I have had many rough hangovers from soju. Call it what it is! They're stressed out. Don't give me this energy boost garbage. People are losing their jobs and he's painting soju as a cure-all. Now is not the time to stump for soju. It's a time for people to be working harder and not boozing, so they will remain productive at work. (And yes I am aware that a "productive Korean worker" is an oxymoron, but I stand by my statement.)Beer and wine are not doing so well in Korea either.

Wine bars were sprouting like bamboo shoots and dotted hip streets and back alleys. Now, with the economy tanking, people tightening their purse strings and the won losing value, they are going under in droves or opting for other lines of business, unable to make ends meet.

I've always thought that there were too many wine bars in Seoul anyways.

``This used to be a good business ― you get more from selling a decent bottle of wine than a dozen or more bottles of soju,'' said Choi, who says sales have dropped nearly 40 percent since the first half of last year.

``However, people are not buying good wine anymore and there are days when I don't even get five customers. I have to think about converting to selling beer, maybe even a grill joint for pork belly or baby octopus,'' he said

Then again, there are way too many pork belly joints as well. On side note (HT to GI Korea), US beef is still flying off the shelves just like it did when they started importing it last year RIGHT AFTER the mad cow hysteria subsided.

Things in the US seem to be fairing a little differently. Besides the fact that Americans wouldn't immediately turn drinking Budweiser into an act of patriotism, alcohol sales seem to be going the opposite direction than in Korea.

From 538:

Rather than pretend to know anything about this trend, I'll let you read it from Nate.

As you can see, there has generally not been much of a relationship between alcohol purchases and changes in GDP -- the correlation is essentially zero. Nor have alcohol purchases historically been any kind of lagging or leading indicator.

But something was very, very different in the fourth quarter of 2008. Sales of alcohol for off-premises consumption were down by 9.3 percent from the previous quarter, according to the Commerce Department. This is absolutely unprecedented: the largest previous drop had been just 3.7 percent, between the third and fourth quarters of 1991.

But if beer is no longer doing well (I guess we'll have to take a look at Q1 of 2009 to confirm), then what is?

It's not just beer, either. Sales of jewelry and watches were off by 7.2 percent in the fourth quarter, the third-largest drop ever recorded. Casino gambling receipts are down about 8.5 percent from a year ago, far and away the largest decrease ever over four consecutive quarters.

What's doing well? The movies. The movies, also historically a recession-proof industry but not a counter-cyclical one, are doing terrifically well. Motion picture theaters increased their revenues by 10.9 percent in the fourth quarter, according to the Commerce Department. But the movies are not typically seen as extravagant. You don't feel guilty after purchasing a movie ticket; you feel kind of wholesome.

There you have it. I have to wonder that if Americans had something as similar, acceptable and pervasive as soju then it too would booming. I do think that Korea's business/drinking culture is a big part of this and the lame "It makes Koreans work harder" hogwash doesn't fly with me.

Is it acceptability or availability that makes Koreans consume more?

More Usless North Korean Threats

2009-03-05T16:14:00.000+09:00

The problem here is that some people don't seem to understand that weaker countries and people who lose elections don't get to set the terms.

First, is the GOP and Rush Limbaugh (which I don't need to talk about as it's been all over US news)and second is North Korea.

A day after warning Washington against launching military exercises on South Korean soil, North Korea focused its rhetoric Thursday on its neighbor and warned of "powerful" retaliation if Seoul goes ahead with joint drills next week.

The U.S. and South Korean militaries are slated to begin 12 days of exercises at sites across South Korea on Monday — a joint annual effort the allies call routine defensive drills but that the North has condemned as preparations for an attack.

I understand that douche bags like Roh Moo-hyun and Kim Dae-jung allowed Kim Jong-il to dictate ROK's penisular policies and that KJI is rightly angry that Lee Myung-bak isn't an apologist, but guess what North Korea? You're the weaker nation and you don't get to make the call. The South isn't going to invade unless provoked, so shut it.

Korea Wants Foreign Media to Lie

2009-03-04T06:18:00.004+09:00

I think the Golden Rule should be applied here. If you want the foreign media to play nice, then it's time the Korean media to stop cruxifing foreigners every chance it gets.

``Korea has fared well compared to other economies despite a plunge in global demand,'' Han told a weekly Cabinet meeting. ``Korea's current account recorded a surplus of $330 million in February, an optimistic sign that the economy is doing quite well amid a worldwide recession. However, such positive aspects are often ignored in media reports,'' he said.

Breen puts it best.

``If the government considers reporting on Korea to be misleading, it should improve its communications rather than criticize the media.''

Do unto to others, Korean media...

Literal Versions of Classic Music Videos

2009-03-03T22:30:00.004+09:00

Literal versions of popular music videos have been getting a lot of attention on Youtube and other related sites recently. It's pretty simple: People sing over the video with their own lyrics detailing what is actually happening in the video. The best ones are from the 80s and 90s when people still made creative music videos.

Here's the literal version of Ah-ha's "Take on Me".

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

I like this one alot too. Tears for Fears is great anyways, but this makes them even better.

Here's a little "Under the Bridge" by RHCP.

I just found this one today while I was snooping around. It's much better than the original.

And I'll end with Billy Idol.

White Wedding: Literal Video Version - watch more funny videos

Watch them. Laugh.

Korea and Western Bands

2009-03-03T17:21:00.007+09:00

Honestly, I don't know much about the band "Travis" besides that they're Scottish and played in Seoul last week. I didn't go, but I listened to the song "Closer" a few minutes ago and was totally bored. How many more generic bands from the UK do we need making this type of Radiohead throwback music?

My distaste for the sound aside, I do like that they came to Korea and that Korean fans were totally into it. Just like Jason Mraz (another one I don't care for), Korean fans seem to be catching on to Western music that isn't just a choreographed dancing/singing group.

Still, one of the problems with Western music in Korea is found in the first line of the KT article.

"Paper airplanes flew around the packed Olympic Hall, as Scottish rock band Travis performed ``Closer" in the middle of their concert in Seoul, Sunday evening."

The show was on a Sunday night. Sure, it was packed and that's great, but the timing of so many of these Western attractions is awful. I remember seeing that Prodigy played in Jamsil last year...at 3pm on Thursday.

My thoughts on this is that if Korea wants to start attracting more Western acts here and become a destination for non-Asian tourists, they are going to have to open up and when it comes to music, they need to copy Japan.

Take a look at this site called Jambase.com. I used this in the States all the time. It used to just have jamband dates on there, but now they have pretty much everything.

Here's part of Japan's list:

There are over 100 shows in the next two months. On there are nearly 60 popular western bands ranging from "Of Montreal" and "Beck" to "Bad Religion", "Sum 41" and "Dragonforce". Now, I don't know/like any of those bands, but Japan has also hosted many of my favorites during my three years in Asia.

Here's Korea's list:

So what is Korea doing wrong?

To be continued later, but the member's of Travis know part of the battle.

"We'll be going soon, but we'll be back soon. We'll tell all our friends and other bands that they have to come here, too. See you soon," Healy said."

I have no doubt that they'll come back. It was a sucess for them. The question is will others?

Johnathan Krohn Loves Puberty

2009-03-03T17:11:00.003+09:00

What the hell is this kid talking about?

Besides the obsessive arm flailing and absurdly empty speech that the goons in the audience seemed to eat up, it's safe to assume that his parents wrote his book?

I like how the GOP is running through their potential leaders as quickly as possible. Jindal, Palin and Steele certainly got the axe recently and this kid is just going to be another mindless pundit peddling the same tired faux talking points that the GOP has been spewing for the past 20 years.

Keep 'em coming!

American Conservatives Love Porno

2009-03-03T10:47:00.005+09:00

Just last week and in October, the KT had an article about Korean kids as young as 11 and 12 viewing and subscribing to online pornography. This week, an excellent report came out about American online porn consumption (pdf).

"...this paper focuses on the consumption side of adult online entertainment, and in particular on subscriber demographics and consumption patterns of those who subscribe to such websites."

I am more concerned with political/religious affiliation here than anything else.

"Social critics...often argue that the rise of Internet pornography is contributing to a coarsening of American culture. Do consumption patterns of online adult entertainment reveal two separate Americas? Or is the consumption of online adult entertainment widespread, regardless of legal barriers, potential for embarrassment, and even religious conviction?"

We hear from the right wing nuts that America is becoming more and more of a cesspool of sexual deviancy and perversion, but coming from the party who mastered extremism, manipulation and hypocrisy, I know not to take it seriously. These are the same goons that want gay marriage banned to cover for their penchant for gay sex.

It appears that while most of the industry is centered around California, most of the viewing is going on in traditionally red states.

And here's the kicker.

Subscriptions are slightly more prevalent in states that have enacted conservative legislation on sexuality (regression results on file with the author). In the 27 states where “defense of marriage” amendments have been adopted (making same-sex marriage, and/or civil unions unconstitutional), subscriptions to this adult entertainment service are weakly more prevalent than in other states (p 0.096). In such states, there were 0.2 more subscribers to this adult web site per thousand broadband households, 11 percent more than in other states.

As shown in Table 4, subscriptions are also more prevalent in states where surveys indicate conservative positions on religion, gender roles, and sexuality. In states where more people agree that “Even today miracles are performed by the power of God” and “I never doubt the existence of God,” there are more subscriptions to this service. Subscriptions are also more prevalent in states where more people agree that “I have old-fashioned values about family and marriage" and "AIDS might be God’s punishment for immoral sexual behavior.”

And one final thought.

" Visitors from the “red”states that voted for Bush in 2004 are more likely to visit wife-swapping sites, adult webcams, and sites about voyeurism."

But when I look at this list, I'm not surprised.

Korean Fortune Telling

2009-03-03T08:30:00.004+09:00

There’s a cafe near my place that offers over-priced coffee, lavish furniture and, at this particular place, free fortune telling. The outside is overly garrish. The bright red paint and gold trim distracts you from the 1950's American theme, which is totally lost upon most customers. Once you find your seat, a waiter comes to your table, takes your order and then presents you with a list of fortune telling options. We could choose from tarot cards, palm reading and "Saju" or "사주" (which uses your birth year, month, day and hour to predict why you’re so darn special). We opted for the latter.

Ten minutes later our coffee arrived and shortly thereafter, a chubby man in his mid-thirties approached the table, opened his collapsible chair and plopped down. He started by asking 고s birth information and then referred to a old, tea-stained book that was filled with ancient Chinese charts. It was in these charts that this man told us what I already knew: that this type of thing is what douche bags do for money. He tried his best to sound official, but it was just a waste of time. He told me that I don’t have any women in my life and that I had to marry a Korean woman because I couldn’t find a woman in the States. Luckily, I have been in Korea long enough to realize that this is a stereotype of foreigners, so I didn’t take much offense. He also told me that I needed more sleep, should exercise more and eat better. So, he told me things that ALL people need to improve about themselves and that makes him “gifted”. Garbage. It reminds me of that South Park episode where they are making fun of John Edward. “I’m getting an “em” or a “na” sound”.

South ParkWed 10pm / 9c

Psychic Showdown

Joke of the Day
Stand-Up Comedy

Free Online Games
More Funny Videos

(Full Episode here)

고 seemed to like it though. Of course, she says she doesn’t believe in the stuff, but was jazzed enough to try it again after we left the café. In Gangnam, these little tents are all over the place. There are at least 8 separate places I can go to have my fortune read in my neighborhood alone. So again, we braved the cold and set out to find another place. I guess we were going on a cross-checking mission to see if the facts and methods of the two snake oil salesmen were similar. I have always protested going to these places. Some of my students go to these places and the information they receive dictates their decision-making heavily (especially among women). Before this, I had always imagined that 고 and I would go in there and the little ~~racist~~ woman would look at me, make some bogus claim about how bad I am or that we’re not a good match and that that info would be stored somewhere deep in 고s psyche, only to come out during an argument. Of course, that was when we were only dating. Now, I don’t care as much. I’ve already hooked her.

I digress……This specific tent was quite small and sported a big sign that read “사주 3,000원”. Fair enough. We opened the plastic zipper door and entered the gas heated booth which, of course, reeked of propane. I tried to unzip the door and vent a little after we sat down, but was quickly corrected by the wily fortune teller. The fumes were so thick and acrid that my eyes were suffering as much as my lungs. She started the same way as the last guy: birth year, month etc… I tried to look as pleasant and friendly as possible in hopes of getting a positive review.

She started with 고. She said that 고 wouldn’t work with a Korean guy, might obstruct people who own their own business and will be better off living outside of Korea. I guess I should have taken that as an endorsement, but it really sounded like a differently worded version of the “can’t hack it” stereotype that the other guy said about me.

Then she moved onto me. She started with my vast intellect and other equally schmoozy traits, but then went right in for the kill. She also claimed that and I quote (and translate), “You do not and have not ever had a girl in your life.” I asked her to expound a little more and what she said actually made a little sense. My wife and I did a little reflecting and discovered that maybe they’re not too far off. I prefer male friends. She was not saying that I’ve never had women who were important to me, but that since I have only one woman who is important to me, I tend to push all other females away. This is true. If I think about it, I have forged most of my close friendships with males. This works for with my marriage as well. My wife, for instance, is a guy’s girl or a man’s woman. She does better with males than females and since most of my friends are males, it’s a good match. Still, this woman didn’t know that. She was just going for the “can’t hack it” stereotype and luckily I filled in the gaps myself.

The woman also said I would be rich by 41 and that 고 and I needed to have start having kids next year. I like the rich part, but there is no chance of babies though and I’m pretty sure that we both agree that 3 years will the best time to start popping them out.

Most Koreans, when asked (by me), say that they don’t believe in this type of thing. I think most Americans would say the same thing. But you’re telling me that in Gangnam alone, hundreds of people are lining up at these places, waiting for an hour in the cold, just to hear something that they don’t believe in? If I were to look at the demographics of those in line, I would say that 85% of them are under 30 and most of them are with their significant other. They are there looking for something and it’s not “just fun” as I so often hear.

Which brings me to my final thought: These fortune-telling women swing a lot of power --much more than they know. And in a nation where people are searching for reasons NOT to like the person they’re on a blind date with, I have to wonder just have many relationships these women have ruined.

Oh and by the way, it cost of 20,000원. What a douche.

Song of the Week: "Music, Us" by STS9

2009-03-02T16:51:00.004+09:00

Sound Tribe Sector Nine (STS9) is one of those bands that fit perfectly into every situation. Here is "Music, Us" from their New Years run (05-06) at the Tabernacle in Atlanta.

I'd also suggest songs Somesing, Open E, and an old classic, "Call Into Tap In".

My first exposure to these guys was in high school. I was downloading music on Napster and stumbled upon "Moonsockets". It's by no means one of their best. In fact, I'd say it's nowhere close, but I liked the free flowing vibe and started investigating more. By the end of my glory days with music (I moved to Korea in summer '06, therefore ending a 9 year streak), I had managed to see these guys over a dozen times in a few years and each time I always had an amazing time.

Honestly, many of my STS9 shows are pretty clouded. I remember the energy of the shows being unrivaled, but that's about it. Hmmm...

Sid or Rodge, any help here?

Iran is Sensitive

2009-03-02T12:15:00.002+09:00

I'm not one of the hawkish goons out there that thinks Iran is a sworn enemy, but I will call them sissy's for this.

"(Iranian) cinema officials will only have the right to have official sessions with... Hollywood movie makers when they apologise to the Iranians for their 30 years of insults and slanders," Javad Shamaghdari said.

"The Iranian people and our revolution has been repeatedly unjustly attacked by Hollywood," he said, citing '300' and recent Oscar nominated movie 'The Wrestler' as among offending films."

Being from the country that is always the target of anger, aggression and hate in film, I just don't give a shit what Iran wants. Get over it, girls.

And how do you explain these?

I do like the music though.

Grow a pair, Iran.

Kyoto and Korea

2009-03-01T18:30:00.004+09:00

Without touching on the politics surrouding the Kyoto Protocal, I would like to know where Korea ranks on this list.

I wonder if Korea was omitted because they are just right in the middle. Still, they're aiming to reduce CO2 emissions by 20% by 2015 and I would like to know how they're doing. It appears that there has been some reduction, but a side-by-side comparison would be nice.

RIP Paul Harvey

2009-03-01T18:06:00.003+09:00

Paul Harvey died. There really was never a better show than "The Rest of the Story" and no one will be able to recreate what he brought to the airwaves.

Geoje-Karatsu Tunnel is a Winner for Korea: Part 1

2009-02-27T08:30:00.004+09:00

The debate has raged for the past thirty years. Experts, nationalists and ordinary citizens on both sides of the Sea have offered supporting and dissenting research, projections, and opinions. Political posturing has overshadowed much of the debate as everyone imaginable has opined endlessly, questioning the feasibility of such a project. “Is it worth it?” “Will it be safe?” You name it, and it has been called into question. Well, it looks like those days are waning and, finally, plans are beginning to materialize and the question “Should Korea and Japan build a tunnel that links the two nations?” might just be answered.

In early January of this year, a research committee was tapped to start drawing up “specific construction plans” for the project. The proposed route would connect Geoje Island near Busan to Karatsu in northwestern Japan by an undersea tunnel (209km). It would be the longest undersea tunnel in the world and one of the most impressive engineering feats of the 21st century. (The Channel Tunnel is only 50km long)

For many Koreans though, the thought of such a connection invokes memories and emotions of a dark and violent past under Japanese colonial rule and under no circumstances would I ever suggest that those feelings are not justified. They are. This is understandably a very touchy and delicate issue which has clearly been reflected in its 30 years of rocky debate. I don't think comments like this are justified.

"...project's opponents say Korea would gain nothing from a tunnel, and it would only end up helping Japan advance into the continent. Choi Yeol, a professor of urban engineering at Pusan National University, said, "An undersea tunnel would add a Japan-size sphere of influence to the southeastern region of Korea. But Japan could extend its sphere to the Eurasian continent. That means the two countries would have disproportionate spheres of influence."

I do think, however, that bridging the two nations would not only set a course towards a more trustful relationship between the old foes, but would also diversify South Korea’s economy, ease trade costs, tourist industry and improve its image around the world.

Some say the project carries a 200 trillion won price tag and, considering the state of the economy right now, even discussing such plans smacks of irresponsibility. Others point out the absurdity of building an undersea tunnel in a hotbed of seismic activity is enough to scrap the entire plan. Both of those points are valid and will need to be addressed, but if the project is deemed feasible and safe, the benefits severely outweigh the drawbacks.

South Korea has tried tirelessly to push their current “Korean Sparkling” tourism campaign. Seoul is getting facelifts and feverishly vying for a larger share of the northeastern Asian tourist industry, but is still seeing very little fruit for their troubles. The industry in essentially centered around Seoul and, for many reasons, is simply not attracting a substantial amount of non-Asian tourists.

As of now, Korea is locked in a battle of trying to prove itself as a world tourist destination which is clearly demonstrated by the slew of sales angles presented in their promotional commercials (here, here and here). The tunnel could potentially provide some direction. If the tunnel is built, Korea will no longer have to focus its resources on introducing Korea to the world’s tourists. Instead, they can appeal to the tourists who are already Korea-bound.

As we know, Japan is a well-established tourist destination and by easing access from Japan to Korea, it unlocks a passageway for tourists in Japan (as well as Japanese citizens) to come to Korea with little hassle. Not only would the headache and cost of air travel be eliminated, the lure of riding on the largest and most modern undersea tunnel would certainly be enticing enough that many tourists would certainly include a few days in Korea on their itinerary. And with the arrival city in Korea being somewhere other than Seoul, more opportunities for Korea to establish itself as a multifaceted tourist destination will be opened. Cities like Busan and Daegu will experience booms as well as smaller “unknown” cities all around the peninsula.

A properly managed influx of tourists is certain to have long-lasting effects on the nation’s image. This is one of the best ways Korea could maximize its exposure. By having a steady flow of tourists from around the world, Korea will have the opportunity to impress upon them just how modern, exciting and even business-friendly Korea has become. Gone will be the days when Korea must make its case as a vacation spot to the rest of world. All corners of the nation will become lively destinations and hotspots and as more people discover all that Korea has to offer, the government will finally start spreading its resources more evenly among its cities. Universities will open or move campuses, business would relocate their headquarters and finally Korea would become a country with more than one city.

The possibilities are endless and the advantages that Korea will receive from such a project would create positive ripples that none of us can fully predict. The battle ahead is still long and there will be a lot of political mudslinging and banter along the way, but I sincerely believe that Korea and Japan will come to an agreement, and that that will be a victory for this nation.

To be continued...

Grandpa's Libido

2009-02-26T08:34:00.007+09:00

That's right. Granpdas need love to and Jongmyo Park in downtown Seoul is the best place where you can witness old men trying to flirt.

The park has been considered a ``sound'' playground for retired senior citizens, but it has recently become a hotbed of the illicit sex trade between sex-hungry old men and prostitutes.

But who would sleep with such old men?

``They are prostitutes,'' said a cobbler working in front of the park. ``The number reaches its highest around 3 p.m. Among them are ethnic Koreans from China

I like how they said "among them". Does that mean "among" all the Korean hookers? Nice omission, Korean media.

You can hear Confucian-style cats calls like "I'm older than you!" or "Because I said so" resounding from the buildings around the park. And not only is this a haven for these aging sex-addicts, but they can also score drugs there as well.

A public restroom in the park was already bombarded with fliers promoting sex-related medicine. ``Cure-all for those suffering declining energy!'' a flier read.

Illegal drug sellers frequent the path encircling the park. A seller attracted customers, displaying the prescription-required erectile dysfunction medicine Viagra

What's the difference between a "seller" and a "dealer" you ask? Blood. Korean's are "sellers" and foreigners are "dealers". The word "dealer" sounds much more depraved and evil whereas "seller" sounds like a child selling lemonade. Regardless, they even offer the old shaman favorites...

Among the traders were those selling dried parts of reptiles including snake. ``I caught and dried these on my own. It's really helpful in boosting metabolism,'' one seller said, but refused to say what kinds of side effects it might cause.

They also had dried skink and anole.

Then the article turned its attention to "sex cruisers". In the United States, people tend to "cruise" at rest-stops, bathrooms and, yep, public parks. Of course, most of these cruisers tend to be gay, but since there are no gay people in Korea (except for this guy and these guys), old-men step up to the plate.

And it closes with...

``Sexual desire is a desire not only shared among young people but also old people. But our society is sill stuck in the obsolete Confucian-based perception that labels desire as an undesirable state, playing a major hurdle in setting a sound sexual culture for the aged,'' said Prof. Lim Choon-sik at Hannam University's social welfare department

So desire is the problem? I guess that's why there are love motels, "massage" parlors and call-girl fliers on every corner. There's just no "desire".

Attendance Policy

2009-02-25T15:10:00.003+09:00

I'm not a strict teacher, but do I teach adults and I expect them to act as such. If a student can not come to a class every now and then, I'll understand. Life gets in the way. My official policy is that in order to get credit for the course, you must attend 80% of my classes. I think that's pretty fair and most students have no problem with that.

One guy, however, does. He's the same "in-the-closest" student that I wrote about earlier. The thing that really bothers me about this guy is that he personally campaigned to get a specific class opened. He showed up everyday, all by himself, begging me to open a class for him. He even convinced a few friends to join the class. Once there were enough people in there to be able to have a meaningful discussion, I opened it. He showed up for three classes and I have not seen him again. I can safely say that he will not get credit for the class.

Now that students are heading back to school, most of my classes aren't full, but I can assure you that I will not open another class during winter/summer break just becuase some dude wants it.

Obama Hits It Out of the Park

2009-02-25T15:02:00.000+09:00

Foreigners...with HIV...Gone Wild!!!

2009-02-25T08:37:00.006+09:00

Hide your children! Lock the doors! Barracade your home because there are FOUR uncaged foreigners somewhere in Korea that have HIV!!! And guess what? They're coming for you!!!

The Suwon Immigration Office said Tuesday it had been tracing the whereabouts of four foreigners who have been tested human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) positive.

Late last year, the office obtained names of 12 foreigners diagnosed with HIV positive, which could develop into Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS), from the Korea Center for Disease Control and Prevention (KCDC).

And who are these scumbags trying to infect the innocent Korean public?

For instance, a 36-year-old Uzbekistan woman, diagnosed HIV positive in 2006, was recently caught in Anseong, Gyeonggi Province, where she worked as a barmaid overstaying her visa. It has not yet been confirmed whether she had sexual relations with others during the period of time, according to police.

Of course, she did. She's a foreigner. And eventhough she looks a little old for her age...

...customers are lining up.

Korea tried to offer these renegades ~~prison sentences or deportation~~ health-checkups...

"But they failed to draw attention from foreigners mostly busy making money," a Gyeonggi government official said."

Typical foreigners.

So, what did we learn?

1) Korean's should be scared of most foreigners because even the government isn't sure who has AIDS.

2) Foreigners are sex-craved and hellbent on intentionally spreading diseases.

3) Foreigners don't care about their health so long as their making money.

Thanks Korea media.

Obama and "His" Helicopters

2009-02-25T08:31:00.004+09:00

Another day and another failed posturing attempt by the waning GOP.

McCain, the Arizona Republican who was Obama's rival for the White House in last year's election, questioned the president about the cost of the new helicopter fleet on Monday.

"Your (proposed new) helicopter is now going to cost as much as Air Force One," the presidential airplane, McCain said. "I don't think that there's any more graphic demonstration of how good ideas … have cost taxpayers an enormous amount of money."

Of course, Barack Obama (who has cancelled the order) did not order those planes.

President Bush put in the order for new high-security presidential helicopters in the wake of the September 11, 2001 attacks on the United States

Epic failure.

Three-Year Universities in the US?

2009-02-25T05:54:00.003+09:00

I don't like this idea at all.

At the American Council on Education's annual meeting earlier this month, Sen. Lamar Alexander, R-Tenn. and a former university president, pressed college presidents to offer three-year degrees. In Rhode Island, legislators are considering a bill that would create a standard set of college-level classes for high schools, so all students could have an opportunity to finish college in three years

And of course, a Tennessean is involved.

My biggest problem with this is it will give me one less reason to dislike Canadians (who only go for three years). That's a shame.

The Post Apologizes...

2009-02-24T22:31:00.004+09:00

...and Matt Drudge is a coward. How does he reveal Murdoch's apology?

Instead he focuses on Murdoch's prediction that the world is coming to an end because his party ~~will soon become irrelevant~~ isn't in control anymore.

X-Rated Film Released on Unsuspecting Koreans

2009-02-24T18:09:00.003+09:00

It looks like "Shortbus" will get a shot at the Korean market afterall.

U.S. film "Shortbus," which had to go to the Supreme Court to fight the Korea Media Rating Board over a "restricted screening" rating, will go on general release next month. The KMRB said Thursday that "Shortbus" was rated R in a re-evaluation following the Supreme Court’s decision to throw out the "restricted screening" rating

The poor unsuspecting Korean population will get to witness the joys of "group sex and masturbation" in their very own theaters. But sadly, it will be Koreanized. Which...

"...covers up sexual scenes that are deemed grossly graphic."

Since many "adult" movies in Korea blur out a harmless ass, I'm not expecting too much except for a theater full of Korean's shouting "어떻게!" in unison.

Song of the Week: All in Time

2009-02-24T15:02:00.003+09:00

This week's song is "All in Time" by Umphrey's Mcgee performed at The Vic Theater in Chicago on MLK Day.

Here's Part 1:

Here's Part 2:

Most of the kids that listen to them now have no idea about the old UM days. I started listening to the nearly 10 years ago when this was what they were doing. I remember in 2001, I wrote their manager over and over again trying to convince them to come to the Southeast to play. They were totally apphrehensive, but decided to make the trip anyways. It was a success and, for my troubles, they put me on the guest list for about two years and sent me bootlegs.

I remember one show when they came to Knoxville. Our group of people were there and we got to go backstage with them. We tried everything we could to stay back there as long as possible. It was sweet. We also have a friend who continued on to the after-party with them and asked the drummer (and founding member) "What would you do if UM failed?"

Less than a month later, he left the band. We tormented her for years about breaking up the band. She didn't of course and the new drummer is even better, but it was funny. I have too many great memories surrounded around these guys and will have many more in the future.

Anyone from home care to add anything?

Korean Students Love Marijuana

2009-02-23T19:22:00.006+09:00

Not true, but flashy nonetheless.

It’s very foolish to do drugs in Korea. In fact, it's downright stupid. And if you gotta do it then at least wait until Korea is a memory. Between strict laws, witch-hunting Korean citizens and the risk of deportation, there is very little lure for the level-headed expats here. Still, some do it. For the average Korean citizen, the punishment is even worse both legally and socially.

In class this week, we're talking about drug laws, sentencing and a few other related topics, so today I started with a little open discussion about the perception of drugs in Korea, and marijuana was immediately brought up by one of the younger, “hipper” students. (Roboseyo has a funny little write up on his confusion with marijuana and the film “Marley and Me”.)

The student was speaking very openly about marijuana consumption in front of the class and even had to gall to ask me if I could assist him in his quest. I immediately told him to stop his inquisition, that that was not the aim of the discussion. I have no idea where one gets it anything in Korea, nor do I care to know. I don't want to deal with finger-pointing and he seemed to get the picture for about five minutes. But why was he so comfortable asking me in the first place?

When it comes to drugs, this man, like many of my students, has a very simplistic understanding of foreigners and foreign culture. Just as he was taught by mass culture, he believes most teachers are addicted to some sort of drug. The manner in which he was speaking to me resonated in stereotyped behavior and (outdated) drug-related colloquialisms. Having never been involved in any sort of Western counter-culture, he felt it was acceptable to ask for pot in front of an entire class while casually propositioning me to "travel to the US, get some marijuana and sell it to his friends in Hongdae". Why in the world would this guy ask such an outrageous thing in front of his peers? I was and still am baffled.

My theories:

1) He’s been indirectly exposed (not involved) to enough elements of Western counter-culture (probably television and film) that his curiosity now outweighs all of his naturally-honed Korean ability to fear all drugs.

2) He has such a warped idea of Western culture, from which he believes all of us to be involved with drugs and, since we are all addicted, it seemed acceptable to casually approach me in class as if he were simply asking for a higher grade. (Most likely)

3) He is a mole from one of these anti-foreigner groups and he’s trying to bait me.

4) Since he is the youngest student in the class (21), he is trying to play the role of the younger, rebellious youth that rejected society and blah blah blah…James Dean…blah.

5) He’s just a fucking idiot. (Also likely)

My guess? I think he’s a mixture of #2 and #5. Most Koreans think that all drugs are horrible and there is no difference between cocaine and marijuana. That view leads to alarmist reactions when they hear of drug use. Even an academic or legal discussion of drugs is not something I would recommend. But here’s this guy, trying to convince me that I would be rich if I smuggled dope in for his friends.

The other students in class were sheepishly smiling at his antics, but I’m certain that many of them were thinking that this guy is nuts and maybe a few of them were even considering calling the police. Alarmist yes, but this guy was asking for it.

I have since changed the topic for week to stupid Korean student's perception of what it means to be foreign.

Lesson one: Don't associate with douche bags.

Free Writing at the Dentist

2009-02-23T18:43:00.005+09:00

Saturday 2pm

I just got to the dentist office with 고. I’m going to stay in the waiting room and kind of just write about nothing. It’ll be a fun free flowing exercise.

There’s something very unnerving about sitting in a dentist’s office waiting room. Everything is designed to calm me down. The soothing music; mellow lighting and earth tone furniture all are supposed to make me feel relaxed, but it just doesn’t work. I feel so exposed and vulnerable and that at any moment, I could be forced to the back and strapped into a chair for hours of pain. I just don't trust them.

I’ve had a difficult relationship with dentists. Aside from my cavity-addled, baseball season penchant for suicides, Big League Chew and Airheads as a kid, I always seem to be in need of some sort of dental work. For starters, I was born with a small mouth. You can’t tell by looking at me, but I actually only have 24 teeth.

I have had eight permanent teeth removed since I was nine. I remember the cracking sound when they were pulling them out. I was young, but that sound is still with me. I had a root canal when I was 15 and another when I was 21. I am in need of caps and fillings I’m sure, but just being in the office was a big step for me. I will get my teeth taken care of before moving back to the US though.

3pm

I’ve been here for an hour now. I’m not sure how long it takes to get wisdom teeth removed, but I think it’s a fairly simple procedure. Maybe they threw in a root canal on top of it. In fact, the root canal I had when I was 21 was just that. I went in for a filling, but after a few minutes into the procedure, I realized that something was different. By the time I managed to inquire, the root canal was over. It didn’t hurt really, but that wasn’t the problem. The problem was the $250 difference. I went in there the day before for a checkup and he told me I needed a filling, so I went back in for that and ended up with a root canal. When I finally did ask why he switched it, he replied, “When I saw the entire tooth, I realized it needed a root canal.”That, by the way, is totally illegal.

Which leaves three possibilities: 1) He’s an awful dentist who can’t properly diagnose his patients, 2) He was being honest and that can happen or 3) He’s incredibly crafty and deceptive. And if he is the latter, then what’s his M.O.? Does he intentionally misdiagnose in order to lure people back in for cheaper procedures or does he just add stuff on to inflate the bill? This, of course, makes dentists no different than mechanics, lawyers and everyone else that can screw you over because their trade is so “specialized”.

330pm

Alright, it’s been an hour and a half now. There seems to be a lot of action in and around 고운’s room. I’m getting really bored and a little hungry, but I’ve waited this long so I don’t want to leave. I get good husband points by waiting here this whole time. If I leave, then it’ll all be in vain. They do have a coffee maker. Maybe I’ll get some... I did and I made a huge mistake. I got an Expresso with crème. I didn’t even know that existed. There has been a constant cycle of Kim Yu-na featured commercials on the television which only contributes to my frustrations. (The Party Pooper did a nice little write up on that here.)

We went to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button this morning. We usually go and see movies in the morning. It’s less crowded, quieter and, maybe the biggest reason, much cheaper. It’s like five bucks for two tickets. That’s a deal and since one of us always seems to finish work late, it’s the only time we can go.

345pm

She's done. She looks a little sore, but it was an easy procedure I think.

Flush and Toss in the Korea Times

2009-02-23T18:29:00.002+09:00

Another week, another Korea Times opinion article...

It's about the Flush and Toss method that I wrote about here.

A Pot Friendly US?

2009-02-23T18:19:00.004+09:00

Fivethirtyeight.com has a nice write-up about some recent polls which suggest that American's are "growing kinder to bud".

Check it out for yourself, but here's a little highlight.

That's a pretty high number. Talkleft also chimes in.

"North Korea has deployed new ballistic" -- Big Whoop

2009-02-23T18:04:00.003+09:00

Let the speculation begin!

North Korea recently deployed a new type of medium-range ballistic missile capable of reaching northern Australia and the U.S. territory of Guam, South Korea's Defense Ministry said Monday.

Same old, same old, but I think the writer is wrong about this one:

South Korea is the most likely target of Scuds, which have a range of up to 310 miles (500 kilometers), while Japan is the likely focus for Nodongs. The North is believed to have more than 1,000 Nodong and Scud missiles in its arsenal.

Just because the South is the closest doesn't mean it's a target. For a regime whose soul purpose is survival, a cheap shot would seriously jepordize that mission, especially with the "Bulldozer" Lee Myung "Bulldozer" at the helm.

A Quick Drive Around Seoul

2009-02-23T16:20:00.003+09:00

I was picking up 고 on the bike and decided to film it...

Hallabong Juice

2009-02-22T22:20:00.006+09:00

We were certainly on a movie kick this weekend. We saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button AND Marley and Me. Both were good, but I liked Marley and Me more. Besides the obvious reasons like my love for dogs, it was really quite touching. Last year, I had to say good-bye to two dogs. It was rough. Sadness aside, the point is that 고 and I had a lot of time down this weekend.

Today, we decided to make orange juice. 고's dad sent us a box of hallabongs last week and there was no way we were going to finish them all, so we decided to make hallabong juice. Our skills in the kitchen have yet to mature, but he still gave it a try.

First, we got online to figure out how to make orange juice.

Begin by tightly squeezing oranges repeatedly to soften them.
Wash thoroughly, cut into halves and remove seeds.
Proceed to step 11 if using a juicer.
Carefully cut circularly around the edge of an orange half, slightly separating the fruit and peel.
Grip the orange half tightly and squeeze directly into a glass or serving pitcher.
Continue squeezing and periodically rotating the orange in your hand until liquid is no longer produced.
Scrape the orange with a spoon and add fruit directly to the juice for additional pulp.
Put the juice through a strainer for less pulp.
Repeat with the other orange halves.
Serve and enjoy.
Follow specific machine instructions on loading and juicing oranges if using a juicer.

BUT... we decided to scrap that and try it our own way.

First we rolled them.

Then we squeezed them.

And there we peeled them all the way and put them into this super old pot.

And then we dumped into our little blender.

Blended them up a bit.

There was tons of pulp because we opted for the blend method. So, 고s doing a little straining.

Finished product.

Some extra pulp for me. And yes, I pull my hair back with my sunglasses while at home.

The juice tastes pretty good although it's pulpy as hell. Don't get me wrong, I know that this was very simple and a total waste of time to read/write, but I figured it was a good excuse to throw some pictures up.

And don't make juice this way either.

ESL Email Scams

2009-02-21T16:46:00.005+09:00

I received two emails recently and both of them are clearly scams. The first one is really obvious, but the second one is a little trickier and, honestly, I'm not sure what the scam is just yet. Plus, I'm on nurse-detail today because of 고's wisdom tooth removal and I figured I'd waste some time.

The obvious one first:

How are you doing today? I am sorry i didn't inform you about my traveling to Africa for a program called "Empowering Youth to Fight Racism, HIV/AIDS, Poverty and Lack of Education, the program is taking place in three major countries in Africa which is NIGER , South Africa and Ghana . It as been a very sad and bad moment for me, the present condition that i found myself is very hard for me to explain. I am really stranded in Ghana because I forgot my little bag in the Taxi where my money, passport, documents and other valuable things were kept on my way to the Hotel am staying, I am facing a hard time here because i have no money on me. I am now owning a hotel bill of $ 550 and they wanted me to pay the bill soon else they will have to seize my bag and hand me over to the Hotel Management, I need this help from you urgently to help me back home, I need you to help me with the hotel bill and i will also need $1050 to feed and help myself back home so please can you help me with a sum of $1600 to sort out my problems here? I need this help so much and on time because i am in a terrible and tight situation here, I don't even have money to feed myself for a day which means i had been starving so please understand how urgent i need your help.i have decided not tell my family so that they will not be worried.when I return I will tell them and they will understand.

I am sending you this e-mail from the city Library and I only have 1.30min, I will appreciate what so ever you can afford to send me for now and I promise to pay back your money as soon as i return home.You need to transfer the money through Money Gram or Western Union to the address below.Pls reply back to my alternate email address at kim.jiyeon@ymail.com. Becouse gmail service is very bad here in Africa. Hope to hear from you soon.

Name : Jiyeon Kim
Country : Ghana
City : Accra
Zip Code : 00233
West Africa

I know that you can do that and i wish you a nice day hope to get back to me as you done with payment so that i can go and get the money save. You are my hope

God Bless You
Thanks
Jiyeon Kim

So, it starts out by suggesting that we know each other somehow and that she had accidentally forgotten to tell me about her trip. She mentions "Empowering Youth to Fight Racism, HIV/AIDS, Poverty and Lack of Education" as well. Even though the name of the organization sounds pretty real (and suspiciously encompassing), I googled it to see if it was even legit and the only results were warnings about the scam and copies of the same email that I received. A scam's a scam, but I was shocked by how bad this one was.

The letter claims that "she" lost her "little bag" in the taxi, which of course happened to have everything of value in it. The problem with that is how did she pay for the cab? Did she give the driver the cash and then --somehow-- accidentally drop the bag back into the cab? It's not a wallet that can slip out. It's a bag.

Then she moves on to her hotel bill. She owes over 500 US dollars. I'm not sure what a three-month volunteer is doing staying in a hotel, but even so, the punishment for not paying is bag seizure (which doesn't have anything of value in it because she already lost that in the cab) and --my favorite part-- being "handed over to Hotel Management". I don't know a lot about the interrogation methods of Hotel Management, but I imagine it's not much worse than this:

If you're really bold, then watch this one or this one instead. (I wouldn't though. They're rough.) She goes on to ask for an additional 1,000 big ones for her flight home which is presumably Korea. Well, planes from Accara, Ghana don't fly to Seoul, so Tokyo is the closest stop and how much does that cost? Try over four grand. It's not a winner at all.

The next one, however, is much tougher to figure out because it's not asking for money. Instead, it's offering a job teaching English in the UK. I've recieved several of these emails.

Hello

Greetings of the day, me is Mr. Jerry married to Anthonia, we are both from France but have just relocated to Uk here in Belfast for three weeks now,because this place is an anglaise speaking /parlon country,i need a private teacher to come and teach me,my wife,my two kids who are Mark and Victoria how to speak and write English language, i want to build a hospital here and also reside here with my family. i will be needing you to come and work for me just for a period of oner year. will had to gave you 7500GBP on every month, a two bedroom apartment, flight tickets and other benefits.send me you pics/cover letter/resume/transcripts you can call me through +447024043001.

take care
waiting for your response
Dr Jerry.

His background story seems plausible, as does his reasoning for needing a teacher. But a few things don't pass the smell test.

Names: Jerry isn't really a French name and neither are Mark and Victoria. He also identifies himself as both "Mr." and "Dr." which is a little suspect as well. Most Phd's or MD's don't switch back and forth between the two.

Location: Why would he need/pay a teacher from Korea to move to Belfast to teach his entire family? There are tons of language instructors in England. Perhaps was looking online and stumbled upon my name on an ESL job site, and was inquiring to all the teachers he found. Maybe, but again, why not look locally?

Grammar: The grammar errors in there are not common for French to English translation. It looks like someone is intentionally trying to make mistakes.

Pay: Why would he offer such great pay PLUS housing? 7,500 GBP equals 10,747.53 USD. That's ridiculous. I would be making a ton of money, living in England and not having to pay for housing. That's way too good of a deal.

What's the catch? Well, the only thing I find that is somewhat odd is this line: "send me you pics/cover letter/resume/transcripts". Most likely, he found my email on an ESL job site, so that means he also has my pic/cover letter and resume. That just leaves my transcripts, but what can be gained from someone else's transcripts? Personal academic information? I guess he could doctor them or circumvent local laws by suckering people who are located in Korea, but I'm really not sure. My only guess is that maybe he can get originals from a lot of different schools and expand his fake transcript business.

Bottom line is that you should always take your information off of those job sites once you have secured a position. Most of these scams are clearly scams, but others look like great opportunities. Be smart and if something is too good to be true, that usually means it is.

Wisdom Tooth Removal...again

2009-02-21T13:11:00.004+09:00

Two years ago, 고 got her two bottom wisdom teeth removed. And if you recall that, then you'll also remember that it was a very painful and long ordeal. Her cheeks swelled, her wounds got infected and there was even discussion that she might not be able to go with me on vacation to America. Luckily, she healed in time, but the memory lingers.

Well, today it's all coming back as she must return to get her top two taken out. We've got the ice packs, salt and luke warm water ready, but you never know. I imagine she'll be sleeping all day and I'll be putzing around on here.

Wish her luck...

Defected North Korean Artist

2009-02-21T12:39:00.007+09:00

Here's an interesting read.

Sun Mu, who was trained to create posters and murals for the Communist government, is the first defector from the North to have won fame as a painter in the South by applying that same propagandistic style to biting parodies of the North Korean regime.

I would like to see the one described in this passage.

Sun Mu’s paintings have also depicted his own fearful journey across the river border into China in 1998, and the plight of a shackled North Korean defector who was repatriated to North Korea from the same Laotian prison where he himself was detained before proceeding on to Thailand and eventually to South Korea.

But he seems to be focusing on one of his others series'.

So far, however, his signature work has been the “Happy Children” series, with its relentlessly smiling North Korean youngsters. The smile has been variously interpreted by commentators as grotesque, a joke on the collectivism of North Korea, or a mask to hide the helplessness many North Koreans feel.

Here are a few of my favorites...

I especially like the baby drinking the unknown red liquid. It's titled "What are the feeding me? I think that one expresses his experiences in the North the best.

As he says, “They teach you how to smile that regimented smile — there’s a certain way to shape your mouth,” he said. “We children thought we were happy. We didn’t realize that our smile was fabricated and manufactured.”

Flush or Toss: Korea’s Challenge with Toilet Paper

2009-02-20T18:14:00.000+09:00

It only takes a few weeks to realize that Koreans are very proud of the rapid development their nation underwent soon after the Korean War finally subsided. While walking around Seoul, it’s sometimes hard to imagine the carnage and violence that once engulfed the now bustling megalopolis. Each decade of the past sixty years has ushered in new waves of social, structural and technological modernity and Seoul, the city that I have now called home for three years, is undoubtedly destined to reach a newer and “greener” pinnacle in the near future. Current economic woes aside, there is nothing impeding further and grander development. That is, except for one thing.

This one thing is the only obstacle that must be overcome before any more apartments can be built, canals constructed or sidewalks repaired: Korean’s have got to stop putting soiled toilet paper in the trashcan. You see it everywhere. You could be in the finest restaurant in the ritziest part of town eating the most expensive Beluga caviar with a pearl spoon, but once you close that stall door behind you, the fine food, drinks and atmosphere quickly fade as you are faced with a bin full of filthy, used toilet paper. It immediately transforms an enjoyable dining (and bathroom) experience into one that is either rushed or outright unhealthy.

Like so many aging generations around the world, older Koreans have many “when I was your age” moments which are usually followed by a lighthearted chuckle or possibly, a sheepish smile. But if Korean bathrooms are the topic, this classic and usually playful expression is not fitting. Korean’s of all ages join in on the wipe and toss method without giving it a second thought. Why would they question it? That’s what their parents and grandparents did. That’s what they see in the bathrooms in schools, malls and public buildings. Those who use the wipe and toss method might not see anything particularly unclean about it. To others, however, there is.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m usually one of the first to stick up for the quirks of this nation, but sometimes the strength (or weakness) of my stomach overrides my loyalties. I’m surprised this practice didn’t disappear long ago and I honestly can’t think of a single plausible reason as to why the wipe and toss method is STILL used. Sure, Korea developed at a breakneck pace and there could be a few cultural hold-overs, but that isn’t an excuse. That pace allowed for contemporary infrastructure to develop. It allowed for the modernization of nearly every public work and plumbing was not left behind. In fact, Seoul is a member of the World Plumbing Council and even hosted the newly elected executive board which and I quote, “has worked closely together for the past six years on matters pertaining to education and training and the role plumbing plays in protecting the health and safety of people all over the world”.

From what I can gather, phase one is complete. Seoul has overcome most of their structural issues regarding plumbing. I’m not going to deny that thousands of buildings and homes scattered around the city might not be equipped with modern plumbing that can handle heavy loads, but it seems like that’s becoming less and less of an issue. The solution lies in the crumbled (or folded) tissue-filled hands of our gracious Korean hosts.

A few days ago in class, I was discussing the complexities of rapid modernization in Korea and the difficulties that some facets of Korean society experienced during that transformation. The conversation ventured into the world of tangible versus non-tangible culture and I asked if anyone (perhaps begging for the discussion) could think of any habits that existed today which seem “old-fashioned”. Low and behold, a brave student called the wipe and toss method into question. I immediately prodded the class in hopes of discovering who --if anybody-- used this method. Out of nineteen students, not one of them raised their hands. Either none of them were guilty or they realized that it’s a bit unsanitary.

The advances that this nation has made in the past sixty years are something that no one can deny. I have witnessed Korea change a lot in the short time in which I have been here and I am always thrilled to be a cheerleader when I see it worthy, but the wipe and toss has simply got to go. That, my friends, is the one of the few snags left that Korea has yet to tackle. And judging by their record, I’d only give it a few years until they overcome that as well. The next step is stocking the bathrooms with enough toilet paper that will last more than two hours.

Sharks and the Economy

2009-02-20T08:42:00.003+09:00

There's always a silver lining.

Shark attacks on humans were at the lowest levels in half a decade last year, and a Florida researcher says hard economic times may be to blame.

Genius!

When the economy improves, shark attack numbers are likely to go up again, according to Burgess, predicting the number of attacks in the next decade will surpass those of the past 10 years.

So, I can only assume that this shark expert/economist believes that the economy will improve as shark attacks increase. Following that logic (loosely), it's safe to say that my wife and I will be moving to Gansbaai, South Africa next year since that is the shark attack capital of the world.

Clinton to be named "Han Hi-sook"

2009-02-20T05:59:00.003+09:00

Why Han Hi-sook?

The surname “Han,” meaning Korea, is derived from the Korean pronunciation of the letter “H” in the name “Hillary.” With the conferment of the surname, Clinton will become the founder of the “Sejong Han” family. Secretary Clinton is the first “Han” from “Sejong-ro” or Sejong Street, the main street in central Seoul where the U.S. Embassy is located.

How stupid.

The name “Hi-sook” is a combination of two separate Chinese characters. “Hi” stands for “Shining,” while “Sook” is for “Clear.” “We believe that these are the attributes that have led to the appointment of Hillary Clinton as the 67th U.S. Secretary of State. Her clear vision and political insight will make important contributions in setting the stage for peace on the Korean Peninsula,” added Suh.

What the hell are these guys talking about? It's just an excuse to give her a Korean name. Nothing more. Stop fluffing.

I'm not surpirsed though. Of course she would get her very own Korean name. I'm just waiting for her to make kimchi in a hanbok in Insadong while eating ddeok bokki with chopsticks, which of course, will be so "spicy".

Where do shipping containers go to die?

2009-02-20T05:47:00.003+09:00

Right next door.

Welcome home! On the bright side, you could make a super-cool fort out of them.

Chimp Attacks Woman

2009-02-19T17:34:00.004+09:00

This is one of the weirder ones I've read recently. You've got to listen to the 911 tape. WARNING: The caller has the scariest voice ever.

I did seem to take a little while for the police to arrive.

McDonald's Opening 500 Stores in China

2009-02-18T19:37:00.003+09:00

That's gonna be lot of McPuff's and Mala Pork burgers for the Chinese.

I'm still waiting for Wendy's to come back to Seoul, but this guy keeps telling me otherwise.

I'm Closing My Facebook Account

2009-02-18T18:42:00.005+09:00

What?? How could I do such a thing? That's a question that we all have to deal with at some point in our lives. When is a good and appropriate time to close your Facebook account? Isn't the site just for young people after all?

--OR--

Can you keep it open forever using it to stay in close contact with all of the people you have met over the years? Just yesterday, my Uncle got a Facebook message from one of his students from his teaching days at Clemson. They hadn't communicated in over twenty years. They were both thrilled to catch up.

Honestly, it seems like it would be more convenient to keep it open. Personally, I find sending email updates troubling and somewhat burdensome for everyone involved and calling is totally out of the question.

However, with the news that Facebook can now use personal information in any capacity they choose even after your account has been closed is more than a little concerning and has made me reconsider.

"Facebook's new terms of service say that it owns--or at least shares--your uploaded content. Your photos from a company retreat could show up in a Facebook ad. Or Facebook could sublicense the rights to your company jingle in a video. Does Facebook want to use your content like this? It doesn't matter--the company says it can."

Of course, Facebook has their terms available for all of its users to see, but I know that I had not read them in detail and I doubt many other people have either. The lure of unlimited picture uploads and instant contact with friends from all over the world easily distracts the new user. I've been a member since the end of 2004 and before today, had not read the terms in their entirety.(You can read them here if you want.)

Technically, the terms say that by joining and uploading, "you grant Facebook an irrevocable, perpetual, non-exclusive, transferable, fully paid, worldwide license (with the right to sublicense) to (a) use, copy, publish, stream, store, retain, publicly perform or display, transmit, scan, reformat, modify, edit, frame, translate, excerpt, adapt, create derivative works and distribute..." your content. Facbook also specifies it can "use your name, likeness and image for any purpose, including commercial or advertising... ."

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerburg is trying to tell everyone to "call down" and even released this quick memo on Facebook this afternoon.

Just in case you can't see that, it says:

Over the past few days, we have received a lot of feedback about the new terms we posted two weeks ago. Because of this response, we have decided to return to our previous Terms of Use while we resolve the issues that people have raised. For more information, visit the Facebook Blog.

If you want to share your thoughts on what should be in the new terms, check out our group Facebook Bill of Rights and Responsibilities.

I'm curious how they will "resolve this issue". I wonder if users will start to think twice when posting sensitive information on your profile. I'd like to think that maybe people have started realizing that they might be revealing a bit too much about themselves without any thought about how Facebook, a future boss, or the government might use that information.

The problem for some people is that they have profiles on other social networking sites. Should they be even more concerned?

MySpace's terms of use agreement grants the company the license to use your non-private content only within MySpace-related services. Moreover--and perhaps more important--MySpace notes that once you delete something from its site, it "will cease distribution as soon as practicable, and at such time when distribution ceases, the license will terminate.

With Twitter, the company's terms of service state it "claim[s] no intellectual property rights over the material you provide" and that "you can remove your profile at any time by deleting your account.

Even YouTube, owned by privacy advocate punching bag Google, limits its license to use your content at will. The license will "terminate within a commercially reasonable time after you remove or delete your user videos," the service's terms of service say.

Everybody will make their own decision, but right now, I'm in the process of saving all of my pictures uploaded onto Facebook onto an external hard drive (which will take about 12 hours)and after that, I'm probably going to close it down or at least totally minimize my profile.

I do foresee these types of sites becoming an issue for people in the future and I'd like to stay away from that while I still can, but it's a tougher decision than one might think. I had a friend who closed his account and I immediately started wondering what his reasoning was. Was it a personal problem? Was he getting a job and wanted to play it safe? I had no idea. In reality, I think he was just tired of the service and had had enough, but for some reason, I couldn't accept that.

So, now I am at that cross-roads and totally torn. I am certainly concerned about my privacy, but am also worried that I'll be in contact with friends back home even less.

There is never an easy answer to the tough questions. Stupid Facebook.

(And yes I see the irony that my Facebook imports my posts, so some of you will be reading this on there.)

Drudge and "Obama's Swedish Model"

2009-02-18T18:20:00.005+09:00

Oh, how I love Matt Drudge's ability to "scare" people with his creative banners. Today he really tried by showing everyone this.

He's trying his best to become the Kos, Marshall or Huffington of the Right, but when you're appealing to the loons of the minority, then it just makes you look silly. Especially when the linked article title reads:

"Bank nationalisation gains ground with Republicans"

And the story goes like this.

Long regarded in the US as a folly of Europeans, nationalisation is gaining rapid acceptance among Washington opinion-formers – and not just with Alan Greenspan, former Federal Reserve chairman. Perhaps stranger still, many of those talking about nationalising banks are Republicans. Lindsey Graham, the Republican senator for South Carolina, says that many of his colleagues, including John McCain, the defeated presidential candidate, agree with his view that nationalisation of some banks should be “on the table”.

So, some of the most vocal critics of Obama's supposed socialist leanings are back stepping and appear to be dropping their campaign slogans.

You should not get caught up on a word [nationalisation],” he told the Financial Times in an interview. “I would argue that we cannot be ideologically a little bit pregnant. It doesn’t matter what you call it, but we can’t keep on funding these zombie banks [without gaining public control]. That’s what the Japanese did.

Can't get caught up on a word, huh? Right. These guys are the ones who have been elected on only words for years (abortion, gay marriage, morals, terror, Jesus, gay, guns etc...)

Gray Hair

2009-02-17T08:50:00.006+09:00

I guess it was only a matter of time until I found one. This morning, while inspecting my slowly growing beard, I discovered a gray hair. In fact, I noticed four white ones springing from my chin and cheek. I'm a little upset really because this is my first attempt at the beard and now it's marred by the appearance of these hairs. Only a few weeks ago I was making fun of my 31 year old friend who has a few gray ones in his beard and I'm even younger.

It's not that big of a deal, but I wonder how many are hiding in my light-brown (and in some light ginger-ish) hair. My mom is in her mid-fifties and still has the luxury of hiding a few in her locks. I guess I'd have to blame my dad. He started graying at thirty and now has a totally gray beard with salt and pepper hair.

We'll see what happens, but I'm going to keep it though. It'll be another thing for Koreans to look at.

Gangnam Cross-walk Dangers

2009-02-16T18:42:00.004+09:00

I’ve witnessed three people get hit by some form of transportation at an intersection near my house. I saw one girl get nailed by a bus and fly about five feet before going into shock while people walked around her trying to avoid the situation. I've also seen two men get hit by cars. One of them was seriously hurt and I honestly don't know if he recovered. They’ve all taken place at the main crosswalk near Gangnam Station which also happens to be on one of the busier streets in Seoul for both vehicles and pedestrians. Both my wife and I have to cross there several times a day and I, too, have gotten close to being hit there as well. The whole intersection is a potential deathtrap.

This is the basic layout of the crosswalk.

First, you’ll notice that the cross-walk is split into two parts with one side being much longer than the other. This becomes important when considering peoples’ perception that they can cross the entire road at once. I’ve seen so many people make it across the small section before trotting out onto the big one only to get caught in the middle by honking cars, threatening buses and impatient bikes. The same goes for crossing in the opposite direction. They cross the long one first and assume the short one will only take a second. Well, Korean drivers don’t have a second. They’ve already started running the light.

The middle section is the bus stop and, in my opinion, causes the most accidents.

As you can see, the buses are stopping on the opposite side of the road because of the door location. When people exit these buses, it’s normal to assume that traffic on that side would be going in the same direction as the bus that you just exited was. Even if they have gotten off at that stop everyday for a year, the sensation doesn’t change. Just look at that guy behind the bus in the front. He's asking for it. That's where I saw the girl get hit.

Apparently, officials have become aware of this danger zone and they have started to make a few adjustments. They added a timer at the cross-walk and a few more crossing guards for the evening rush.

The problem is the Korean approach to driving and life. Korean’s love to use the term “빨리, 빨리" (quickly, hurry, etc...) The peninsula is full of people who live by this. I’ll address this issue in detail in an upcoming post, but for the intent of this one, let’s just say that Korean drivers will do anything to get to their destination faster. Those of who live here see it all the time. They’re running lights, driving on sidewalks, pushing people in the subways, anything to get somewhere faster. (Oddly, I happen to think that a lot of Koreans are usually late and unproductive.)

The Republic of Korea even tops a few lists as being the most dangerous.

According to the 2007 OECD International Road Traffic and Accident Database
announced by Green City Research Institute, 5.28 per 100,000 Korean pedestrians
died in traffic accidents in 2005, placing the country in first place. Korea
also topped the category in 2004, with 6.0 pedestrians per 100,000. As for the
number of deaths in traffic accidents per 10,000 cars, Korea took second place
with 3.45 people, following Hungary with 3.79.

How far ahead (or behind) are they?

Considering that the OECD member countries' average number of pedestrians' death in traffic accidents marked 1.58 per 100,000 and the number of accidental deaths per 10,000 cars marked 1.68, South Korea has still a long way to go to become an advanced country in terms of traffic safety.

I totally agree that they have a long way to go, but sadly this issue gets thrown into the "You don't understand Korean culture / We're“빨리, 빨리 Koreans" excuse when questioned about this problem.

As I've said before, I'm counting down the days until I sell the motorcycle and hopefully, I'll survive the daily walk across the street so I can have that oppurtunity.

Korea Times Publishing

2009-02-16T15:58:00.003+09:00

I wasn't informed by email (again), but Korea Times published my piece on the cycle of friends in Korea. Here's the link to the paper and here's the link to the post.

Father at 13?

2009-02-15T16:59:00.004+09:00

I wonder what the Korean reaction would be to this?

And I don't think 제니,주노 (Jenny, Juno) can be used as evidence either.

Memories of Memory at Memory's

2009-02-15T15:56:00.005+09:00

The title of my latest post, Memories of Memory at Memory's, is lifted from an ongoing joke that one of my great buds John Mecklenborg and I had during our days at The University of Tennessee. This is him. He dresses like this everyday.

It arose from when we noticed a new restaurant called Memory's had opened on the outskirts of an area of Knoxville called the "Old City". It was supposed to look like a 50's Diner type thing, but like the many previous failed business ventures that started in that building, Memory's met its fate. The restaurant is not important, but its name led the two of us into one of our numerous and sometimes month-long discussions about things that never actually took place. It was a dialogue without a base and certainly no direction, but it made us laugh.

The actual name, "Memories of Memory at Memories", was the result of multi-layered jokes. It started with just an innocent jab at why the restaurant would choose "Memory's" as a name. Then we layered it with the assumption that the owners had something in mind like "People will talk about their memories at Memory's." So, we laughed about our potential memories at Memory's. In its final formulation stage, John told me that one of our mutual friends, Evan Gower, had a little sister named Memory Gower. Awful name, but it served so well for our joke. The obvious next step was joking that we would possibly have memories of Memory at Memories, even though we never knew or had ever met Memory Gower and had no intention of going to the restaurant. We enjoyed that joke for several years, not because it was really that funny, but because it was absurd.

And that intro brings me to why I'm writing this post and similar ones in the future. It has started to occur to me that I am getting older by the day and that so many of my formative memories could get pushed into the backwaters of my psyche. These memories are usually refreshing dashes of youthfulness and innocence. They have provided me with some wisdom, pride, humility and embarrassment, but most of all they put a smile on my face and perhaps some of you might be included.

I'll include links to some of the events or locations that I discuss here, but besides that, it will be a free form exploration into the perhaps shallow depths of my memory.

My Dance Style Revealed

2009-02-14T15:44:00.002+09:00

After years of trying to describe my dancing style, I think I found the closest representation.

But throw some short shorts on him and BAM! it's me.

Hip Korean Housewife Hookers

2009-02-14T14:28:00.000+09:00

A little late on this one, but apparently some bored Korean housewives have started their own little enterprise while the husband and kids are away.

"Seven housewives in Seoul were arrested for engaging in ‘pay-for-sex’ acts after meeting male clients through a phone chatting service, Hankyoreh reported Friday"

But they're not the traditional ladies of the night.

"According to the police, their “business hours” are normally from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. when their husbands and children are not home. They then called their male clients and met them in various motels in Goyang city or Paju city in Gyeonggi Province."

I'm not surprised really. When you see stats that claim nearly 79% of Korean men cheat on their wives, what do you expect? These women were just getting a little revenge and some extra spending money.

But the underlying meaning of this artcile is that it's a revelation. Finally, we have the answer as to why so many Korean mothers send their kids to dozens of hagwons. They need extra time for whoring. Between the sex and the drug dealing, it looks the housewives are the hippest cats on the peninsula.

Korean Students and Rain

2009-02-13T17:31:00.002+09:00

I've had three classes so far today. The first one was about the Separation of Church and State in regards to the teaching of creationism in school and the second was on the rise of Jehovah’s Witnesses in Korea. Both totally interesting and both classes were essentially empty. My first class has about 11 people registered and only two showed up. The second class has 19 registered and only 5 showed up. These two classes usually hover around a 90% attendance rate. My third class, while not as interesting or as full, usually has 9 students enrolled. How many showed up today? Zero. Not a single fucking student showed up. I have another class that starts soon. There are 11 people registered and I am expecting about 3 to actually show up. Why? Rain.

Rain keeps students away from class more than any other type of weather. In fact, students skip classes more for rain than all other excuses combined. Snow is no problem. Seoul snow is weak and Korea does not have a “snow day” culture anyways. Blistering heat isn’t a problem because Korean’s thrive is unnaturally hot conditions as seen on buses, subways and offices all across the nation. Boozing until an hour before class doesn’t matter either. That just shows excellent time management skills that Koreans love to boast about. (“I sleep in the subway/bus/taxi because it’s efficient and gives me more time to work/drink/whore around later.”) Nothing can stop these cats unless, of course, a single drop of rain falls. Then, attendance drops with it.

If you remember (which you don’t) I wrote about the rain + exposed head=baldness myth that exists in Korea. Well, I don’t think this has anything to do with it. I also wrote about how dangerous Korean drivers can be and rain only makes them worse, but this isn’t it either. It’s more that rain just sucks, discourages enthusiasm and makes people feel lazy. That’s all -nothing particularly cultural to look into except for the fact that Korean’s don’t come to class if it’s raining.

It’s just a teacher’s observation.

Warm Weather Skiing?

2009-02-13T13:20:00.004+09:00

Well, I was going to go skiing this weekend...

Beer?

"I'm Straight!": The Introduction of an In-the-Closet Korean Man's Battle Against Himself

2009-02-13T12:00:00.000+09:00

Student introductions are always fun. I'd say that a very clear majority will offer up the same core tidbits: name, age, university/major, job/title and maybe the occasional marital status or reason for studying English. They offer those facts to establish the nature and structure of the relationship. For those of us who have been in Korea for awhile, there is nothing usual about this type of introduction. The other day, however, I got a new one.

I had had second thoughts about opening this particular course up as I didn't like the time and the subject. I had also heard that this student is a little unusual and, honestly, I didn't want to mess with it. However, he begged me to open the class for him, so I agreed. It's been a little over a week now and I'm not sure if it was good idea, especially because every class seems to get a little more odd as he feels more comfortable to reveal more personal stories to me.

Let's take the first class and first introduction. I welcomed him into the classroom as usual and he took a seat. Since he had begged for this class to be opened in the first place and the 9am class start time doesn't appeal to business people (too late) or students (too early), he had a choice of thirty empty seats. Oddly enough, he sat right in the middle causing me to have to raise my voice. I eventually coaxed him to the front, but like many Korean students, there is an inborn fear of teachers. I asked him to give an brief introduction. I didn't want much, but something to get him thinking in English.

He started, "Well, I'm straight."

It didn't really sink in at first. I was only half listening since I rarely listen to intro anyways. I guess my perceived indifference to his statement jolted him a bit, so he repeated it. This time I heard it loud and clear. My first thought was, of course, that this guy was totally gay. I gave him a quick look over and decided that it must be true. He was wearing a multi-colored polka-dot shirt under a brown suede vest covered with a black velvet sports coat. I stopped there and decided to give him the benefit of the doubt since acceptable Korean male fashion sometimes gives off the air of homosexuality, as written about here.

Still, I couldn't get past his unprovoked declaration of heterosexuality. No matter how you slice it, there's something odd about that. As class continued, this guy seemed to go out of his way to talk about absurdly straight things. He talked about visiting hookers at massage parlors; dancing with girls all night long at the clubs and visiting a certain area of Seoul where all the girls wear "hot pants". Now I'm not qualified much in this area, but I do think that using the word "hot pants" reduces ones manliness significantly. As an added bonus, he gave me the oddest answer when I asked him if he had ever been to Cold Mountain (a popular ice cream parlor in Korea). His response? "I'm not gay." To top off his heterosexual conquests, he added that he has a girlfriend. I guess he thought that I would be thinking of him as some sex-crazed bad boy. I'm pretty sure he thinks he's a bad boy, but more like this kind of bad boy.

Class continued that way for the rest of the day. Over the next few days, he showed no interest in learning English at all and chose to continue dispelling his self-inflicted gay rumors by telling more and more stories confirming his sexuality. To him, he was making a strong case for heterosexuality. To me, he was cementing my suspicions. Yesterday, he was off on one of his rants about hookers and started steering the conversation towards his performance. In most cases, I'll let students just flow as long as they are using proper English, but I really tried to derail this one. He didn't care, ignored my pressure and continued on to his next prove-to-everyone-how-NOT-gay-I-am rant and thought it was time to talk about Viagra. He pushed on past his story quickly and let me know that he could get me Viagra anytime. I started laughing. Besides the fact that I might need just the opposite of that, he had gone from weird closet homosexual to pusherman. I've been offered what I thought was just about everything under the sun in my younger days, but this was new. AND it was from a Korean ~~gay~~ guy.

Yesterday was by far the most blatant example of what was becoming his glaring preference in men. He was in the middle of another seemingly endless tirade of how popular he is in nightclubs and decided to fill me in on how he picks up his countless hot panted women. He does this.

(Check out that website by the way. It's a real find.)

Like Richard Gere's Gerbil, most American's know this to be a gay gesture. While not anything close to an official source, Urban Dictionary's definition of "Gay Handshake" is as follows:

"A social faux pas in which you stroke the other party's palm with your index finger during a normal handshake. Can be seen as a sexual advance and it just feels really creepy. Go ahead, try it on someone."

So, I wasn't alone in my thinking that this guy just revealed something, but as I've said before, there is a lot of straight Korean behavior that would be viewed as gay Western behavior. I needed to ask some other Koreans though and who better than one of my classes with mostly Korean women aged 19-31. They would know if this was normal flirting or as UD said just "really creepy."

Turns out that this is not normal behavior in the least. In fact, when I told the class about this, all of the girls --in typical Korean fashion-- screamed "어떻게" and the men laughed. The female response did not surprise me since that's what I hear them say 90% of time while on the street. The men, however, were all shocked. They had never heard of such an approach.

Is this fellow gay? It doesn't matter, but I wonder why he's going to such lengths to prove he is straight.

"I heard the jury was out on science."

2009-02-12T18:03:00.005+09:00

Wow...

"Recent public opinion polls indicate that challenges to Darwinian evolution have substantial support among the American people. According to an August 2006 survey by the Pew Research Center's Forum on Religion & Public Life and the Pew Research Center for the People & the Press, 63 percent of Americans believe that humans and other animals have either always existed in their present form or have evolved over time under the guidance of a supreme being. Only 26 percent say that life evolved solely through processes such as natural selection. A similar Pew Research Center poll, released in August 2005, found that 64 percent of Americans support teaching creationism alongside evolution in the classroom."

Why am I not surprised? For the past 20 years, all we have heard from the Right is that science is not fact and that we need to teach Creationism in school. It looks like it worked. Wow...

A-11 Offense is for Girls

2009-02-12T12:57:00.007+09:00

Eleven eligible receivers? Plus, this looks like two quarterbacks to me.

I don't like this idea one bit.

"In the A-11, players do not wear the traditional jersey numbers for linemen: they use 1-49, and 80 through 99, which is legal. This means that all 11 players on offense can be eligible for a pass. In essence, the offense creates an island for 11 players, spreading the defense out, and looking for one-on-one matchups."

It pretty much makes for chaos.

Maybe I'm out of the loop on this, but I wasn't aware of the tension between "traditional" eligible receiver rules and this A-11 business. Coach Bryan is very aware though.

"There is a demonstrative benefit of using the A-11 offense, and there is room in America for more than one style of football," Bryan said. "There is a loud, ugly minority out there that is against this offense. "This is standing up for the little guy in football, the schools without the numbers of kids or the big linemen. There is a huge disconnect between the players on the ground, the kids that play in this offense and the National Federation."

So, he's claiming that he opted for this because his school didn't have enough players or enough linemen. Am I too assume the if his school does get enough players, then he'll return to the standard receiver rules or is it more that he couldn't hack it as a coach without these cheap rules? Regardless, this...

If a player gets set on the line, and another player lines up outside that player, the inside player is ineligible to catch a pass. What the A-11 can do is have offensive players wait until the final seconds of the play clock and then take positions on the line making it difficult for the defense to know, until the last moment, which receivers are eligible.

...equates to pandemonium on the field.

Will Smith in Duel?

2009-02-11T17:08:00.001+09:00

I wish.

I saw Seven Pounds the other day. It was good, but totally unclear until the scene where he met his friend, Dan, in the hotel room. It also became pretty predictable after awhile, but it never got boring. I’ve got to admit that Will Smith has really come a long way and he has been pulling off some totally convincing roles lately. I can’t believe how far he’s come since Independence Day, Bad Boyz and MIB. He still employs some of his more cavalier qualities that got him where he is today, but the roles that he’s been cast into recently give me the impression that he could become one of the greats. He’s got a long way to go, but if the writing is good enough, I think he’ll be fine.

I think that if he nails Oh Dae-su in the upcoming Old Boy remake, then I’ll be totally convinced. It’s up to Spielberg now though. If it’s as good as Duel then I’ll be a success no matter you look at it.

Co-workers of Past and Present

2009-02-11T16:45:00.001+09:00

Just like so many other moderately irresponsible teenagers and university students, I managed to have more jobs than I can count. Seriously, I just tried to count them and couldn’t. Every time I land on a number, another job comes to mind. I’ve ranged from donut places, dorm halls, golf courses and toy stores to some higher class gigs like call centers, drive-thru’s, deli’s and dish rooms. Honestly, I think the longest I stayed at a job of that caliber was six months. My modus operandi was the classic no-call-no-show or call-in-and-quit. I loved doing it. It was swift and easy. The word callous comes to mind, but I’d say lazy might be more appropriate or perhaps a combo of both. While I didn’t gain much of a work ethic from those brief stints of employment, I did get to meet a lot of different and totally interesting people.

Let me introduce you to four of them.

From the US days:

I’ll start with Don. He was my boss at an upscale neighborhood diner for a few months one summer in college. He had inherited money from his father which he had been living on for years. He claimed to be the best chef in the area among other equally unimpressive and uncontestable feats. Don is memorable for a few reasons though: he constantly smoked joints in and around the kitchen, spoke ill of his wife’s reproductive organs (who was also a boss), openly insulted customers using derogatory phrases and terms and threw the word “f*ck” into nearly every sentence. I worked there with a couple friends for a solid two months, but after realizing that we were being paid from the tip jar which we had worked to fill up, we opted for the bailout. We knocked it up a notch by quitting on the same day. Bam! Two of us pulled the no-show, while the third decided to call and address his frustrations with an offensive message that basically repeated all of Don’s catch phrases. We would always joke “I’m f*cking Don. My wife’s ****** smells like lasagna.” What a class act.

Another summer a few friends and I were feeling particularly charitable (and desperate) decided we would work in a Shriners call center. Life in a call center is a dark world full of guilt, depression, social ineptness, self-loathing and fear that someone will actually answer the telephone. Of course, I didn’t experience any of those things because I quit after three weeks, but one man did: Kurk. The first thing you might notice is that he spells his name with a “U” rather than the traditional “I”. If you met this short, stocky fellow, you would totally understand that the “I” is inappropriate and borderline illegal. I was lucky enough to train under Kurk. He taught me all I needed to know about being a telemarketer and a man. Kurk was a heavy set fellow in his early thirties who claimed to have been somewhat of an accomplished body builder. Sadly by the time we met him, it looked like his years of Shrining had caused his muscles to slowly atrophy. Regardless of his physical condition, Kurk was a world class smoker. In fact, all call center people are. We were given a five minute break every hour and the beeline to the door was astonishing. The office would clear out in less than three seconds. Kurk was always the first or second out for the cig and usually was the last to finish, but oddly, he never actually had any cigarettes. He always bummed them. It never failed. He would sometimes come up with elaborate intros before the request in hopes of throwing us off. I remember he told me that he had started bodybuilding because he wanted to quit smoking, but once he hit his peak, there was no reason not to smoke anymore, and therefore, I should bum him a cigarette. His tagline was “Can I get a cig?” Well, we changed it to “Can I get a Kurk?”

Ricky (fake name) from Wales was an interesting person. First of all, he might still in Korea or coming back soon, so I don’t want to be too rude or anything, but he knows he’s “interesting”. I taught with Ricky at my first school in Korea. He was slightly older and from the start, I noticed that he seemed to be a little into…well…men. But he wasn’t just a plain old gay guy. That wouldn’t be interesting. This guy acted pretty straight most of the time. He had girlfriends (he once claimed to have slept with over 200 woman…while sleeping…in an airplane…bathroom…from Wales to…London.) He worked out at the gym, drank loads of beer and smoked tons of cigarettes. He was a normal dude. Without having to go into details; I’ll just say that on many occasions he asked various male co-workers to go back to his place for drinks. In fact, he asked me that question my first night in Korea. I omitted that bit of info three years ago when I was detailing the arrival. Maybe I’m flattering myself though. Perhaps, that doesn’t sound that gay, but if you consider that he would usually make the suggestion to one person at 4am as everyone was walking home, then you might get a different idea.

One night, five of us were at an old favorite dive called Beverage Lab. We were drinking at a table and amidst the joking; Ben decided to ask a question: “Raise your hand if you didn’t **** a man’s **** in college.” It was quite a show stopper to say the least. I remember trying to collect my thoughts and form some sort of answer, but I was so stunned by the question that I too was only getting crickets. Pat, one of the more blunt members of the group, fired back with an “Uhhh…No!” Ben tried to cover himself with a few “Come on, guys”/“You were never curious” combinations, but they just didn’t stick. I wish I could say that was all, but I would be lying. Towards the end of his tenure at our old school, he started to develop a strange penchant for man-kisses. He would ask for kisses or if he could kiss a man. From that was born, “Do you want to kiss me? Do you?”

Terry from Korea is one of my favorites. This guy had breath that could peel the paint off a car and a job that would make a gimp feel lucky. Terry’s job was the “ass” of my old director. He had to do every horrible task that was asked of him. The highlights included brushing the directors hair, unlocking doors for drunk locked-out teachers, lining children up, dealing with every detail and problem that teachers had with their apartment and, of course, saying the word “Hey!”.

You see, Terry was born with only one eye and where the other should be, is nothing more than an oversized marble. Some speculate that it’s actually gobstobber. Since he can’t see very well and has candy in his eye socket, his ability to learn English has been seriously hindered. The director has gotten away with everything from locking him in a closet and force-feeding him to just spanking him when he doesn’t do as told.

One weekend, the school had a retreat to the mountains. We stayed in a pretty sweet cabin-type thing and cooked food and drank beer and soju. On the way up to the cabin, all the teachers AND Terry rode in a van together. I knew this was a perfect time to teach him some English. You know, a little time away from the boss. Well, I started with the basics and soon we moved to the more advanced stuff. I wanted to teach him another way to say “Let’s go!” His pronunciation was pretty rough, but he got through it and pretty soon he was yelling, “I have an erection!” for all the teachers to hear. He was my favorite student and certainly one of my favorite co-workers.

The Chinese Heart Fireworks

2009-02-10T06:21:00.004+09:00

Well, what did they expect?

Old traditions may have clashed with the latest addition to Beijing's increasingly modern skyline, as the nearly finished Mandarin Oriental hotel caught fire Monday night after being showered with a burst of fireworks.

While I was in Beijing this past month, I couldn't believe the amount of fireworks being set off and the seemingly blatant disregard for personal safety.

"The cause of the high-rise blaze was unclear...Preliminary reports said the fire was caused by the illegal use of fireworks, and an investigation is underway, chinanews.com said. While Beijing authorities permitted the use of fireworks downtown this year, fireworks are not allowed inside buildings or on roofs or balconies."

I'd say it's time to review the fireworks law. I know that the Chinese are very proud that they invented fireworks and their New Years celebration is impressive, but this was totally avoidable.

Just Weird

2009-02-09T17:37:00.002+09:00

I want to apologize in advance for this, but a friend posted this on facebook and I just had to post it here.

My favorite quotes...

"I'd rather have lots of breast milk than a million melons."

"In the morning, when I'm getting dressed, the girls talk to my breasts; they touch them...they don't like it when I put a bra on. They think I'm trapping the breasts and they should be free to float about."

"They won't breastfeed forever. It's just that simple. They will not breastfed when they go to college or get married."

I don't think I need to add any commentary on this one beyond saying this is just weird.

Sissy Korean Prisoners

2009-02-08T12:10:00.002+09:00

Apparently, life in American prison is not too fun for 40 Korean citizens who are prisoners in the US and they want out.

The prisoners are among 40 South Korean citizens held in U.S. prisons who say they wish to be relocated to South Korea, citing language, food and cultural differences, the diplomat said.

I know that Cullen Thomas would have liked to leave Korean prison many times while serving in Korea, but he couldn't. Prison is not designed to be comfortable. Get over it. I'd say that if they are turned over to Korea then they should be banned from the US for life. Maybe a little extreme, but they're pathetic complaints just don't get any sympathy from me.

Fat Lazy Korean Mom

2009-02-06T17:38:00.010+09:00

I'm pretty sure that I'm usually the rude neighbor. I can't think of a time when I have been the quiet one and I'm certain that I am quick to react when a neighbor, regardless of my past behavior, acts in a way that I percieve as rude.

My last year and a half of college I decided it was time to live solo, so I moved into a house that was divided into four apartments. It was decent place. I was upstairs, had a back deck and huge windows throughout the place. It was great except for my big fat neighbor who called herself "Trish the Dish." She was far from a "dish". I remember her voice. It was deep, man-ish and southern. It sounded like she was always talking into a hallowed out pumpkin or some other gourd-like squash.

She claimed she to have graduated years before, although you wouldn't know it if you spoke to her (which was one of my least favorite things to do). I remember going to great lenths to avoid suffering through a conversation with her about the next Widespread Panic show. Nearly every night, she would be up to something and it usually involved lots of people in her apartment doing various illegal activties BLARING Panic. When I entered college I was a pretty heavy sleeper, but as time progressed I became less and less so. Therefore, this behavior really pissed me off. She would be doing this at like 4am on Tuesday night. I mean, shit, come on. Of course, in Korea, fat American women from the south do exist, but luckily, I don't have to live below them. I do, however, live below a fat Korean woman.

As far as neighbors go, most of them here seem to be pretty polite. I've manged to continue my loud behavior this whole time with zero complaints. Well, for the past six months, 고 and I have had to deal with this fat Korean woman with a three year old son living above us. At first, they didn't really seem to make too much noise, but the last three months have been brutal. Both 고 and I start work very early in the morning, so we try to be in bed by 10:30 or 11:00pm every night and even then we're only getting 6-7 hours. This wouldn't be that bad really, except for the piss poor mother above us decides that 11:00pm is an appropriate time for her child to start playing. And by playing, I mean run back and forth throughout the entire apartment. We have the same layout, so I can hear everything and can visualize him running from the bedroom to the kitchen, back to the bedroom and then to the living room before returning to the bedroom where he does what guess to be a huge belly flop on to his little floor mattress.

When it first started happening, we sucked it up and gave her the benefit of the doubt. Her husband lives in Canada, she has no job and stays in her pajama's all day, so maybe she was having a few problems or her son was adjusting poorly to something. But as time went on, it became clear that she was a lazy mother who didn't enforce any rules. Luckily, she speaks English, so I went up there after a particularly noisy evening. I knocked on the door and she immediatley knew who I was and why I was there. The tried to apologize while smiling, but I cut her off and told her what needs to happen: no running around after 10pm. She panicked a bit and then played victim. She told me she couldn't control him and called him over to the door where we were talking.

"Can you tell him to be quiet?" she asked.

Are you kidding me? You want me to tell your three year old son who doesn't speak English to shut up. Sure, I could have told him in Korean, but why the hell is it my responsibilty?

I left feeling like I was just taken by a salesman. Nothing was accomplished and she managed to make me feel somewhat responsible for the noise that I assumed would continue. It did. It got worse and worse and one night at midnight they were stomping around. I stormed up there with the ire of Zeus (but probably more like Hera) and told her that this is not going to happen anymore. She tried all sorts of manuevers, but I was blocking them left and right. She was defeated and stayed quiet for a month.

But it slowly started again about two weeks ago. One night, it sounded like she was letting her son bounce a ball in the bedroom, which is of course, over our bedroom. I was too pissed to go up there and yell again, so I decided there was only one option. I had to take action.

I went into our kitchen, flipped over our table and started unscrewing one of the legs. 고 was telling me to stop, but there was no other option. This selfish woman did not care about anyone and was only going to understand direct action.

After collecting myself a bit, I told 고 what I was about to do and she okayed it. She thought it might be a little extreme, but we needed to sleep. Maybe we weren't thinking straight because of the deprevation, but it made sense at the time. As you might imagine, it takes a lot of courage and strength (both physical and mental) to use the table leg in such a forceful way. I kissed 고 and closed the bedroom door so she wouldn't hear anything.

Moments later I was ready. I took the table leg in hand and swung it hard. Nothing happened. They were still moving around. I did it again and again. They continued shuffling about. Finally, summoning all my strength, I banged the ceiling as hard as I could.

Silence. It worked. They got the message. I returned to bed and never spoke of that day again...until the next night and the next one and the next one. Apparently, Fat Lazy Korean Mom decided to use the banging as a timer, telling her when playtime is over for her son. It was okay. When we went to bed, we gave a couple bangs and then she would shut up.

Well, yesterday, we put the table leg away because they moved out. Now, we're waiting to see who moves in next and what piece of furiture I have to bang with. And to tell the truth, the table leg is about all we got.

Expat Instability Part 2: Clarity

2009-02-06T12:33:00.003+09:00

Feeling accepted is something that we all strive for. It allows for growth, offers a feeling of importance and even gives you a sense of permanency. This simple fact is true with everything from school and sports teams to colleagues and family members. For the expat community in Korea, it’s especially true when discussing stability. I don’t have to explain the whole “You don’t understand Korean culture because Korea’s unique and homogeneous.” spiel. Everyone knows that’s a common Korean belief. It’s this alienating mentality that shapes the lives of expats greatly. There is a subtle (and sometimes overt) exclusionary atmosphere that radiates in Korea. This Us vs. Them temperament is quite far-reaching and directly affects the behavior, attitude, appreciation, respect and involvement of expats in Korea.

It’s no secret that expats here endure a lot of criticism –both deserved and undeserved. Excessive drinking, crude behavior, public displays of affection with –gasp!- Korean women and daily breaches of cultural boundaries all contribute to the rift. While there is no real excuse for some of this over-the-top behavior, there could be a cause. In an expats’ home nation, they adhere to their own widely known and essentially defined norms because they are aware of them. That’s what being a part of society requires. On the other hand, when one’s on vacation in another country, sometimes the local norms are blurred, but that’s to be expected when you visit a nation for a short time. You’re not really expected to observe every custom. In the Hermit Kingdom, however, there is a much more complex relationship between expectations and reality.

When an expat arrives in Korea, he or she is introduced to a few things: Korean-style binge drinking, communal eating and, let’s face it, freedom from responsibility.

Drinking, like usual, seems to be the most prevalent and like everywhere, it also causes the most problems. My first night in Korea was an excellent crash course in Korean drinking culture. A group of us went to dinner and, in true expat form, we drank literally everything we could. I remember being oblivious as to what soju was and was shocked when seeing how many shots my new cohorts were downing without hesitation. I wondered to myself if they had a drinking problem. As one friend put it, “I don’t have a drinking problem. I’m just a drinker in Korea.” After hours of lighthearted exchanges (and a few arm wrestling matches) we left and, as Koreans call it, we went to “the second place”. There we drank for a few more hours and before we knew it, it was light outside. As we walked home in the early morning light, we passed a man laying face-down in the road. He was in a suit, soaked from the pouring rain and waving his phone back and forth above the back of his head. I asked my friend if this was a normal sight and he said “Yeah, it happens all the time.” For me, as a new expat, I thought this was tolerable behavior. In my first night alone, I had been given two clear examples that excess is acceptable in Korea.

The next day, a couple friends and I headed to the Han River for some river floating. While trying to find a good place to launch, my new friends cracked their beers right there on the street. I was shocked to find out that it was “totally okay” to drink alcohol on the streets. Over the next few weeks, I discovered that drinking at convenience stores was acceptable as well.

When I say “discovered” that just means a fellow expat told me so. Does that mean it’s true? Of course it does. Well, not really. Drinking alcohol on the streets is actually not allowed, but the police usually overlook it, especially when certain elements of the Korean population partake (older men). This doesn’t mean the police harass us expats when we do it. I’ve drunk beer everywhere imaginable: subways, taxis, stores, rivers, parks, bathrooms, gas stations… you name it, I’ve boozed there. Even though we’re not getting harassed for drinking on the streets; we are creating an image or perpetuating a certain expat stereotype. -That being, the foreigner. Drinking at the Family Mart is actually okay, but even then, if taken to the excessive levels that I’ve seen, it becomes another wedge between the communities.

The point is that nothing is clear, so everything is game. The intoxicated business man on the street and public beer consumption are just two quick examples of the blurred norms that expats experience when introduced to Korea. There is a difference though. In Korea, acceptability is based on age. The older guy will get away with being a total ass in public. Well, in the West we don’t have the same age-based biases. A young guy would be scrutinized just the same as the old man. While expats are aware of this ageist system, they tend to underestimate its reaches.

It’s safe to say that most expats here don’t feel included and, in many ways, the Korean population prefers it that way. It appears to be the way they cope with the forces of globalization. (Phase One: Denial) As with interracial relationships on the peninsula, issues important to foreigners are taken lightly since they’re not actual Korean concerns. Why would they be? To the average citizen, that Korean girl with the foreigner is “just playing” or “learning English” and the foreigner who was just assaulted “doesn’t understand Korean culture” and is at fault. This concept is not lost on the expat community either. We know that we are viewed as outsiders or miscreants and our acceptance of this, however latent, creates an environment where taking responsibility for your actions is rare. I can think of several instances just from my circle here.

** Getting nude in a bar and placing ones boxers on a passed out friend who happens to be holding an open umbrella

** Passing out on an elementary school playground

** Fake fighting to the point of being ejected from a favorite bar

** Spending a month’s salary in one night knowing that the school will spot you for the rest of the month

** Refusing to stop drinking, attacking an entire bar full of people (and winning) and ultimately getting banned

** Punching each other in the face until -well, that’s all. That’s the game in its entirety.

** Pulling ones pants down all the way at the urinal while other people are around.

** Denting a taxi with an umbrella, lying about it and then bribing the police WITHOUT money while you have marker covering your face because you passed out in a Noraebang with cruel friends.

** Resting your manhood on another man’s face who just happened to be passed out on the floor of the bar

To tell the truth, those moments happen to be some of the funnier memories I have here and to be fair, two people committed six of those acts. Still, they are not in any way atypical of expats here. Honestly, none of us are “atypical” because we have all witnessed what is perceived as acceptable expat behavior. Would we act the same way at home? Maybe, but many of the items listed above would result in ramifications (legal and social) that just don’t exist here. Expats know what proper behavior is, but without definable limitations people can behave poorly. Korea barely has boundaries set for its own citizens and even then, many people can cross them whenever they please without consequences.

As I mentioned above, there is not a great sense of permanency among the majority of expats. Time here is brief --a stop-over-- so adherence to common mores seems useless. Just like the widespread apathy towards learning the Korean language, people often prefer not spend the time trying to define the indefinable. There is plenty of blame to go around for inappropriate expat behavior in Korea and for too long, I believed it was totally the fault of some “ foreigners”, but it’s just not that simple. A host nation that refuses to appropriately acknowledge a community made up of over 1,000,000 people (which includes nearly 50,000 teachers), opens a door to where proper social conduct is so grayed that when an expat mimics the behavior of an normal Korean citizen, he or she is the one who is chastised for not understanding the “complexities” of Korean culture.

Driving Miss Cha

2009-02-05T16:50:00.003+09:00

A 68-year-old Korean woman has failed her driving test over 770 times. She's spent close to 4K on the writing test which she has managed to continuously fail since 2005. It's a little odd though. Wouldn't some of the questions repeat themselves? I would think that she would have most of them memorized by now as well. Maybe Choi Yong-Cheol, the Giver of Tests, likes to write his own questions to mix it up.

"Choi said that Cha cannot pass the preliminary written section of the test, averaging scores of 30-50 whereas the pass mark is 60 out of 100. Local media said that Cha sells food and household items door to door at apartment complexes, carrying the items in a handcart, but wants to get a car for her business."

What a dick. This old woman wants to get a car for her business so she doesn't have to walk everywhere and he still won't pass her. Instead, Choi has his top henchman throw out this cheap little line to make himself look slightly better than a huge asshole.

"I feel sorry every time I see Cha fail. When she passes, I'll make a commemorative tablet myself and give it to her."

I'm sure it'll a nice moment for both of them. I've lived here for three years and have been driving for nearly a year. None of these drivers have any idea what traffic laws are. The written test will have no affect on Cha's driving ability. Ridiculous.

Bale vs. O'Reilly

2009-02-05T16:35:00.002+09:00

I'm just not sure which one I like more. I mean, the music in the Bale remix is better, but then again, you can actually see O'Reilly losing it. Tough...

Here's Bale:

And here's O'Reilly:

Expat Instability: Part 1

2009-02-03T08:38:00.003+09:00

Expat life in Korea is very unstable. It’s full of dicey jobs, poor planning, all-night benders and, in many cases, very little reality. Day-to-day bills are low; rent is paid for and there is a sense that you are being taken care of by someone other than yourself. To the majority, however, that is fine. The guys and gals teaching here often times enjoy this purgatory-like state and use it as a springboard for their next adventure. Planning the next Asian getaway or weekend pub crawl becomes a top priority, while little or no legitimate concern for the reality that exists beyond the peninsula is expressed. This perceived disconnect is what some crave. I remember it fondly; casually drifting from one bar to the next, eager to make that night better than the one before. It was a simple existence full of samgyeopsal & soju; beer & fried chicken and the fitting drunken debate (or loud talking in my case). That being said, even though I have gotten married, stabilized numerous facets of my life, curtailed most of the aforementioned behavior, there still is something unstable about expat life in Korea.

During the course of one’s times in Korea, no matter whom you are and where you live on the peninsula, you will be constantly bombarded with new people. You will arrive new and, in many ways, you will leave new as well. I remember my arrival which I detailed on this blog nearly three years ago. I was fresh, anxious and, most of all, presumably dependant on the friends that I was hoping to cement in those first few weeks. And after a couple hours, I was essentially accepted into the crew and my Korean transition became a whole lot easier. I was grateful for them, but at the time, was totally oblivious to the cycle that many of them had been in for years.

Every few months, teachers in Korea are forced to say goodbye to friendships forged while working here. Maybe you got here at the end of someone’s tenure or perhaps you arrived at the same time as your new international BFF. Either way, after a year, chances are someone is leaving. Naturally, expanding your friendship pool is always fun, but when you reach a certain point, the baby-sized pool of long-term friendships in Korea is full. I have had many conversations with my friends here and they know my feelings about staying in touch and keeping memories alive. It’s quite important to me, but where can the line be drawn? A few weeks ago, I made a statement as to who I thought I would remain close to. I was being very realistic and suggested that geography would have a huge effect on friendship maintenance. After I finished, some acted as if they were shocked to hear such a thing, but had they thought it through that much? A fellow American in the room --sensing the vibe-- suggested that there’s a very real possibility that, even if we did stay close (emails, phone calls, etc...), there would probably be decades where we wouldn’t see each other.

This summed it up for me. I have a solid batch of expat friends right now as it is. More will be coming. At this point, I’m already going to have trouble managing the ones I already have, so do I want more? I’m sure that new teachers will arrive in the near future, be placed into the group (like I was) and therefore I must interact with them. But at this point I’m prepared to say that those interactions will be stifled by my conception of expat friendships. There is a certain level of expectations involved in expat friendships. After a few months, people start to realize that a time will come when Korea is in the past and when you realize this, to quote a friend, you gotta “twist or stick”. Twisting (or capping your pool) can cause problems, but sticking only exacerbates the problem and creates for an even more dysfunctional reality.

There is, however, an upside to this assembly-line friendship and I have felt it as well: getting to share your side of the Korean story. Some new teachers will catch you when you are in positive-mode about Korea and then they’ll fall in line with you. Or perhaps they’ll arrive when you’re having a few problems and then they will absorb that attitude. Other people thrive on new teachers because it’s a chance to tell the same story over and over again and if you’re with the right crowd, you can even throw a few steroids in it and change the story from three dogs that were chasing you in Laos, to eight…

During the course of my three years here, I have made a lot of friends. Some of them have been drinking buds that I still love to get a beer with and others are the ones you call in a time of need. That being said, it is impossible to make this distinction without stepping on toes. There is nothing rude or insincere about it. It’s natural. All of us have made tons of friends who we were once close to, but as time progressed, we grew apart. That’s real life which, of course, resembles nothing of expat life. As I said earlier, all of us who come here are new and, as the cycle of friends continues to rip through the expat community, many of will leave here new as well. Luckily, I’ll be with my wife.

Wilderness Protection

2009-01-12T09:37:00.004+09:00

About time someone paid attention.

"In a rare Sunday session, the Senate advanced legislation that would set aside more than 2 million acres in nine states as wilderness. Majority Democrats assembled more than enough votes to overcome GOP stalling tactics in an early showdown for the new Congress."

Of course the GOP ghouls would stall it. They lost their soul years ago. What will be protected?

"The measure — actually a collection of about 160 bills — would confer the government's highest level of protection on land ranging from California's Sierra Nevada mountain range to Oregon's Mount Hood, Rocky Mountain National Park in Colorado and parts of the Jefferson National Forest in Virginia. Land in Idaho's Owyhee canyons, Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in Michigan and Zion National Park in Utah also would be designated as wilderness."

Douche bag OK Senator Coburn was whining about gas and oil production as usual. He's just mad because his state already ran through all of their oil.

Don't Wake Daddy

2009-01-08T22:51:00.003+09:00

Honestly, I have never played the Parker Brother's game, "Don't Wake Daddy". The point of the game was that the players were assume the roles of children sneaking to the refridgerator in the middle of night, trying not to wake their father. If they woke him, he would quickly sit up in bed and which means you must ~~be sexually abused~~ return to the beginning of the board.

The concept of sneaking around without being seen or heard was much more fun to do in real life, so I didn't have much need for the board game. I guess if you lived in an apartment where sneakabality is lower than a house, then a game like this would be perfect.

The game itself looks pretty dull, but the commercial was pretty damn sweet. It was released in 1992 so my memory needed a good jogging.

Why was that kid going into the fridge? It looks just whacky enough for ten year olds I guess. While I was looking for the commercial, I came across the British version of the game called "Shhhhh! Don't Wake Dad." Leave it to the Brits to take the fun out of "dy". Here's their commericial.

Don't wake Dad! It's mad! Lame, lame, lame. The American commercial was barely interesting enough, but leave it to the Brits to make it boring.

Hump Day History: Battle of Ramree Island

2009-01-06T22:24:00.007+09:00

This has got to be one of the best (and most brutal) stories I have read recently.

Ramree Island is located just of the coast of Burma and in early 1945, it was the site of grizzly massacre. The Japanese Imperial Army, still in colonizing mode, had advanced all the way to the Burnmese coast and taken it over in hopes of using it as a resupplying port for their forces. In 1945, the Allies had managed to take back most of the coast (including parts of Ramree and a smaller island, Cheduba, just to the south and a little further out to sea) from the Japanese for the same essentially the same purpose.

On January 26th, Allied forces (Brits) attacked a major Japanese stronghold and badly crippled Japan's Burmese presence. The remaining Japanese were forced to march across Ramree Island to join other Japanese forces that were located on the opposite side of the island. It was only 16km, but there were a few significant barriers. First of all, it was night when they started the trek. Secondly, the British knew what the Japanese were planning and slowly surrounded them as they started their march. And finally, they had to walk through 16km of thick Burmese mangroves. That means a few things to the Burmese and the Japanese soldiers were about to find out what that was.

The mangroves were filled with millions of tropical mosquitoes, tens of thousands of these:

And thousands of these:

Bruce Wright was a member of the British forces who had trapped the Japanese on Ramree. He was sitting on a marine launch grounded on the slimy mire of a channel running through the labyrinth of the swamp and his account of the night of the 19 February 1945 outlines the grisly scene.

“That night was the most horrible that any member of the M.L. [marine launch] crews ever experienced. The scattered rifle shots in the pitch black swamp punctured by the screams of wounded men crushed in the jaws of huge reptiles, and the blurred worrying sound of spinning crocodiles made a cacophony of hell that has rarely been duplicated on earth. At dawn the vultures arrived to clean up what the crocodiles had left...Of about 1,000 Japanese soldiers that entered the swamps of Ramree, only about 20 were found alive.”

Here's a quick lecture on it:

As he said, the Japanese don't "remember" or have no record of this attack. But just as Korea "can't remember" certain moments, I wouldn't be surprised in the least if this was "accidentally" omitted from the public records.

NYE with Umphrey's

2009-01-05T21:40:00.003+09:00

I haven't gotten a chance to write about my super exciting NYE spent with my in-laws, but soon enough I will. Wait...I just did. That was exciting wasn't it?

I would have rather been with Umphrey's Mcgee.

From Their Mouth: I Need Kimchi!!!

2009-01-05T21:01:00.006+09:00

While traveling abroad, no matter what country you call your own, you invariably run into some problems. Maybe it’s language or tipping. Perhaps it’s addressing someone by name or trying to exchange money. But no matter what country you’re in, something will be quite different from your home and oftentimes, that leads to some problems. Most of those problems can be solved with a simple phrase book, a friendly stranger or a little luck. Korean’s, on the other hand, tend to face another problem and their problem can’t be solved as easily. Koreans have a very hard time with food.

Most Korean dishes are mildly spicy and overloaded with chili pepper. I think it’s pretty delicious, but honestly there’s nothing particularly special about it. Yet, in Korea and to Korean, I’m an extreme minority. Koreans are fanatical about their food. Food is not just for subsistence, it is for enhancing mood, curing ailments, increasing stamina and boosting intellectual capacity. Do I believe that stuff? Certainly not, but I come from a culture that typically doesn’t make such claims. Korea does and they do it with nearly every type of food. Just for a fun, I’m going to ask my wife about some random Korean dishes right now and let’s see what she says.

"여보, can you tell me a few dishes we eat regularly that possess some sort of healing power?”

“Um… kimchi (김치) helps maintain your immune system.”

“Of course it does.” I said sarcastically.

“…Dwenjang chigae (된장찌개) can help prevent cancer. Chili pepper increases metabolism and ginseng increases your body temperature.

“Really? That’s why people eat ginseng?”

“Yeah, and that’s why you can’t eat it. You’re always hot and sweating anyways.”

That’s true. I’m always hot in Korea. It’s also a slightly true stereotype. Most Koreans (my wife including) believe that most foreigners are sweaty and smelly. It’s somewhat true though since all public spaces in Korea are ridiculously hot and that’s most likely place the interaction occurs.

Still, to a Korean, their food is not only the most delicious and perfect for every situation, but it is crucial for maintaining good health. Besides the medicinal reasons for their connection to their food, Koreans have a very strong sense of ethnic pride. Anything that is viewed as being uniquely Korean is immediately placed on a very high pedestal and a great deal of pride is taken in them. The Korean language, Korean Confucianism (many say that Korea out-Confucius China), Dokdo, tae kwon do, turtle ships and Baekdu mountain range are all examples of things Koreans revere. Food is the same way. Ask a Korean about the origin of their most internationally known food, kimchi, and they’ll give you a nice little lesson that will include an angry rant about how Japan tries to claim it as their own. They call it “kimuchi” in Japan. Let’s see what my wife says when I ask her how she knows kimchi is not a Japanese dish.

“How do you know kimchi is Korean?”
“Because we know that it’s ours.”

Solid (Kimchi is Korean though). Again, I give you those examples to highlight the sense of pride that Koreans get from their food. But pride in their national flavor is not all that interesting -- it occurs is most nations. Tell an Italian that pizza is Greek or a Mexican that burritos are American. They’ll be pissed because part of their tangible culture is being stolen. The problem that Koreans face when traveling has nothing to do with a dispute over the origin of food, it has to do with what food they eat and the reasons for eating it.

From their mouth:

“While traveling abroad, have you ever had any problems with food?”
“I did when I was in Australia.”
“Australia, huh? How long were you there? I asked expecting to hear an extended time period.
“One week.”
“One week and you had problems? What kinds of problems?”
“My family and ate four Australian meals in a row and had to switch back to Korean food.”
“Only four meals? Was it that bad?”
“We needed kimchi.”

He really "needed" fermented cabbage smothered in chili pepper. Jerry (I only know his English name) is in his mid-forties. He’s married, has two daughters and recently started a new job in a small construction company. He and his family went to Australia for a week and, in less than a day and a half, they all had eaten enough Western food. When I asked him why they needed to switch back to Korean food so quickly, as many Koreans would, he used the word “need.” He needed kimchi. I have heard this countless times. They need some particular dish and if they don’t get it, then something terrible could happen (like open-mindedness or maybe a dash of spontaneity might be added to their personality). But then again, the first Korean into space couldn't go without her kimchi either.

"If a Korean goes to space, kimchi must go there, too," said Kim Sung Soo, a Korea Food Research Institute scientist. "Without kimchi, Koreans feel flabby. Kimchi first came to our mind when we began discussing what Korean food should go into space."

I saw this behavior on my honeymoon in the Philippines. Groups of Koreans would stay in Korean-only hotels, eat only Korean food and socialize with only Korean people. In Vancouver, the Korean Mecca of Canada, Koreans (more so than other Asian races) are known for their tendency to shun the local culture, and group together. After school, parents pick their children up and bring them to Korean restaurants. Of course, it’s natural to group together with people similar to you, but Koreans seem to take it a bit too far. I have had tons of students move to the US to study English, only to spend their time with other Koreans, drinking soju, singing karaoke and speaking only Korean.

I say that, yet the streets of Seoul are filled with Western-style eateries. In many places, it’s hard to find Korean billboards between the TGIF, Outback and McDonald’s signs. Non-Korean food has definitely been accepted here, but it is still seen as more of a novelty or a treat. If you ask Koreans what “junk food” is, they will say chicken, spaghetti and burgers. They distinguish it by its origin. I know that eating McDonald's is bad for me, so I try to eat there rarely. Eating McDonald’s regularly makes it junk food and that is unhealthy. Having it once a month makes it a meal. And therein lays the problem with non-Korean food. All of it is viewed as junky or something that negatively affects your health. This mindset, coupled with the idea that Korean food is hyper-medicinal, leads to people “needing” kimchi or other Korean dishes. I know that vegetables are good for me and a doctor will tell me that I need the vitamins contained in vegetables, but I’m not walking around saying, “I need broccoli” or “I need a banana”. If a Korean doesn't feel well on vacation, the first thing they blame is the non-Korean food they were forced to eat.

In the end, it boils down to one thing and it’s not preference. It’s superiority. Like many other races and ethnicity's, Korean’s believe that they are pretty exceptional. You're not going to find many people walking around claiming to be superior to others, but it’s more easily seen when you look at negative light in which foreigners are portrayed in the news and Korean history, oftentimes as the cause of many problems in Korea. Somehow, Caucasians have become somewhat of an exception to this rule, but African, Middle-Eastern and especially other Asian races have a pretty hard time here. This type of ethnic exceptionalism finds its way to food and surfaces with such comments as “I need kimchi” or “I don’t eat American food because junk food is unhealthy.”

Oh yeah? I don't eat Korean soup because it's boiling when it's served to me. Take that!

Franken Really is Good Enough

2009-01-05T19:42:00.002+09:00

After two months of recounts, court-ordered purges and excessive whining, Al Franken has been told he's good enough.

"A state election board on Monday will announce Democrat Al Franken has defeated Republican incumbent Norm Coleman in Minnesota's U.S. Senate race, state officials told CNN Sunday. The canvassing board on Monday will say a recount determined Franken won by 225 votes, Secretary of State Mark Ritchie told CNN."

Of couse Coleman, the man who said in November that he would have conceded if he were Franken, is going to try something to get rid of some Franken voters.

"However, Coleman's campaign, which contends the recount should have included about 650 absentee ballots it says were improperly rejected in the initial count, has indicated it will challenge the certification."

It's over, but I already knew that in the early nineties. And gosh darn it, Stuart Smalley knew too.